Breaking the first wall

Wow! I was so excited. The smile remained on my face. No one can ever convince me that God doesn’t exist.

In the evening a guest Victoria, a relative, came to our house and I escaped in the other room. I was planning to write and then to read. However, there were kids outside waiting for my neighbour Eli and I was looking from the window. The Devil was passing. I think he said sth to the kids. I pulled myself down, looking at him. He spotted me. While walking he said to me: “Don’t hide. Get out upward.” I raised myself a little, then I normally lifted myself up. I wasn’t laughing. He kept looking at me, then looked ahead. OMG! He actually SPOKE to ME. There’s another detail. I wasn’t sure it was him, so I asked my mum who was sitting on the balcony. “Did you hear? Sb said to me ‘Don’t hide. Get out upward’. Who was it?” I didn’t get the response. She didn’t see him. While repeating her the question, he returned. This time I was sure it was him by his hair. I ran to see him from the window. I was happy and excited. Couldn’t get the smile off of my face. I switched the TV set on to see what was the time and on HRT it was airing “101 Dalmatians” showing a scene with a sign DEVIL. “God. What have I deserved this with? I sinned so much. (I read I should give anyone what he wants, and I didn’t . I didn’t give what I was asked. I won’t be saved, but I know those who deserved will be saved. I’m just one more individual.” I started to cry. First wet my eyes, then the tears sequentially fell through my face. “God loves me so much. Maybe it’s because He knows everything that we are going to do and maybe I’ll do some good deed”.

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That event meant something. He told that for my own good. I would have never did what he did, to anyone. Does this mean he cares about me? Yes. He used two verbs. It’s a start. Breaking the first wall. I thought: I don’t care if he treats me inferiorly. He DOES TREAT ME. The gender means a lot, although it doesn’t seem like that. For example, he has seen me more times with a female than with male, but apparently he hasn’t noticed that I’m gay. So… one more proof he isn’t selfish. I hope things between me and him will have a greater development in the future.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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