Goodbye [Final post]

[This is written in real time.]

I have decided this post to be the final one that I’m publishing on this blog.

The actual diaries go to the year 2018, there’s about 50% (or less) of material left, but I have no interest in rewriting it here as it… well, few things in actuality:
-This blog did not gain the community I hoped it would get (there’s no interest)
-It’s time-consuming in my life
-I do not like the direction the diary went into

There is an actual ending with full closure, somewhere mid-2018, after many nature-of-material and structural changes, I’m just hinting that if all things are considered, the ending couldn’t have been different. That means you can correctly imagine it to some extent. It was my plan to actually go through the entire 2012 year here, all the next years are shorter, but this one was really special to me… for many things, so this period I posted the several remaining entries until the end of it.

I am doing fine in life now. If you want to contact me or show some appreciation or interest about possibly getting the rest of the entries, you can use the comment section below.

Greetings,
Nick

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Monday 31.12.2012

Last day of the year.

The morning I saw that a female colleague likely from second year asked me on Facebook to send her my Math seminar work on Thursday. I didn’t see it then as I didn’t have her as a friend, so I asked her if she still needs it. She did and I sent it to her. I wonder what would Reis do in such situation? And I wonder if Andrea mixed fingers to tell I had the same group?

I finally made and sent my I.T. assignment (deadline: midnight).

While M. was at my place, Andrea called me to ask if we needed to upload some other I.T. exercises. At the end of the call I asked her if she had left to Skopje where she had in plan to be for the New Year’s Eve, she said “Yes” and mum wanted I to say “Have a nice time” to her, something that I thought of, but didn’t say not to become closer. Surprise: M. told me he saw her today, who did the mademoiselle think she was lying to?

The New Year’s Eve resembled to last year’s one. Same room, same people, similar atmosphere. After grandma went downstairs, while mum was out of the room, dad was asking me about Muhammed. He was afraid not to pull me in sth like alcohol. He told me to say hi to Muhammed from him, I responded with “If I don’t forget” and he said to ask him when will he take him to Istanbul to which I judged him:
–You want me to say hi to him for use.
Dad was dissatisfied that I don’t accept anything from him (“Nothing I say is valid”). Of course, he had no direct argument, so this followed. How can he from one side teach me of caution from Muhammed, from another one, to see Istanbul. And what? Does it matter? Material or spiritual? Without the people there wouldn’t have been the city. Without God, there wouldn’t have been people.

He entered deeper, supposing he made his mistake with me the period when he was sick, I was sustained from commentary. Yes, that was the mistake. You taught me the professors know everything, you were ideal to me… how else would I bear the disappointment? I knew a version of you, then I saw another version of you, then the pills (i.e. the illness) took over. It wasn’t you anymore. Why would I try? As longs as the pills speak from that man (if he is worthy of a man), I’m not gonna worry if our relationship is not he wishes it was.

This time, I welcomed the New Year with my parents. I fell asleep after 2:40.

Here’s my F.B. status I shared from Ni:

No matter if you respect me or not, I’m still happy for you.

2012 to me was a year filled with many unexpected events, through which passed both pleasant and unpleasant feelings, people worthy of remembering and people that only my diary reminds me of, year of hopes, disappointments, endurance, obligations, tests, revelations, sadness, happiness, faith etc…

In 2013 I’m continuing to fight as well, I’m remaining myself, open to everyone who sincerely wants to see me in the real light. Better and more experienced than ever, I wish you all the best in your lives. Shine bright this year too,

I love you.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

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Sunday 30.12.2012

Sandra didn’t accept me on Facebook and she’s not planning to. Anyway, SHE is the one who destroyed the neutrality between us first! She probably changed the opinion about me after the explosion and now she’s leaving an impression like she’s scared of me. It was her I entrusted to keep my glasses when I erupted, she’s probably not satisfied I gave her only such position, so she’s cheaply revenging me. I endured this too, you only showed your culture, my slave!

Muhammed virtually told me he’d leave to Turkey after New Year’s Eve in 2013.

The rest of the day I was mostly struggling editing my I.T. seminar work – biography.

Andrea had called me, but I didn’t see watching “Gossip girl”.

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Saturday 29.12.2012

I was bored… so bored that I reached to access Cam4 and add some Skype contact. With intention that I wasn’t doing for sexual pleasure, “Lady Adelle” didn’t really have success. Next on the menu: pornhub.com. I forgot when was the last time I opened it, so wanted to see what’s new. The sex was being practiced still the same way. I got stimulated. It made me believe I indeed had masturbated last Sunday. I was still passionate for the group sex videos, so much that I took a serviette and put it in my underwear. The sin was already done – watching porn i.e. bukkake, but in no way I allowed myself to masturbate again. My plan was to reach orgasm just by watching (no hand activity) like once before, which happened. The orgasm came periodically and this way it was only able to satisfy my needs around my public area, not further (bodily, not to mention the soul). It was my first conscientiously stimulated sexual climax since January. Normally, after the act, I felt very disappointed. According to me now my place in the afterlife was put under question mark. Why all the effort, then?

I used to say the others were cheap, with this, I turned out to be the cheapest of all. Was I ever expensive? I was just sorry that God believed in me. I LET Him down. Whatever punishment I get, I know it will be from God.

After some time crying and listening slow jazz songs, I came back to the thought that there is hope for me. If God decides to keep me living, I’ll show Him my actions have value. My life doesn’t reduce to one non-masturbation.

Later in the evening I chose to offer Facebook friendships to Katherine and Sandra. Kathy accepted me.

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Summary

The year’s ending and the regular going in the first semester’s gone, so the résumé for my lastest explosive period follows.

Even long before the summer, I had high expectations about my socialisation, whatever I had chosen. The discrimination, the disappointments, the bad mood caused me to change the image the others (that mean to me) had for me – eventually to transform the ideal me from fantasy to practice.

I trusted myself that I can find a quality job without high education, so the choice of faculty was just a side thing to me as long as the female gender wouldn’t be a significant majority. Computer science – the decision was determined by several factors, but not everything was shiny… Fantasy: My purpose was to find a best friend who would have me as his best friend, to spend the time (during & after the lectures) together, I didn’t even consider fasting on Fridays… The reality: Not even a pale copy of my fantasy. No, in different points of time, it had different results.

I was happy that Andrea wasn’t from my group, so I was supposing it would have been like we were from different classes like in high school – we would have seen each other only on breaks. The first day went unnoticed regarding my master plan, but the second one God found a way to utilise my lateness – I made a friend – Munin and it was going well (and the beginning was so good that I missed it in less than two months) until the villain from my village (whom I’m together with since infant school) started to use me as a time filler. The second week was my worst faculty week, Andrea wasn’t stable at all. I came there to succeed regardless of what I’ve been through, however my past was constantly chasing me. Nevertheless it wasn’t stronger than moi, I managed to obtain friends from my group, often unconsciously following the rule: If I don’t find them, they WILL, and once I was found, I made sure our relationship not to fade out. Tuesdays and Wednesdays were horror to me. I expected to see a more loyal Christian than me there, unfortunately, the quieter future engineers gathered at the popular ones full of sins: fornication, gambling, affinity towards the physical appearance, selfishness, duplicity, jealousy, pride, godlessness, even nationalism! They were like perfect images – idols of something that the shy ones never achieved. It didn’t provoke me to be like them. Although it was hard to me looking from aside, I remained myself – full of love. My goodness attracted Muhammed who also possessed a high level of spirituality. It wasn’t bad, but hiding was making me double faced. Spontaneously on Mike’s initiative (in А2 the time I felt like Oprah), my frenemy, the mademoiselle finally saw the real me. And it went on… (I believe that I subconsciously chose the Turks as my active friends because with their language and culture they were different just like I was different with my antisociality in the past…) I was interesting to them… I was happy, even though some of them decided to believe in stereotypes connecting me with Boki 13. Let it be, with that they were only gaining smaller value to me and to God, i.e. they were leaving space for those that truly meant to me… As the time passed my criteria increased, I didn’t smile for every dedicated closeness anymore, so the smile stopped being my trademark. I wanted more… At many moments I was alone again. I didn’t step over my own self unaware that all of that displeasure solders subconsciously and desperately waits to explode. When?

At the end of November, after I confided to Thomas, he obviously felt sorry for me, so he decided to show the others the other side of me – the evil me… By my side followed lies, acting like a real star, denial of the past, shamelessness and merciless ruined any reputation of mine that I was gaining for more than two months. The ecstatic me and the show I prepared for them definitely changed their opinion for me. Yes, there were concealed consequences, but I’m glad that they helped me pass through my spiritual pain by non mentioning the ugly event to me, while I acted toward them like nothing has happened. Meanwhile I accepted Muhammed as my best friend de facto un frère. My brother visited me in honour of my birthday and it was a perfect opportunity to surprise my family – it happened, though it wasn’t completely approved. No matter how hard it is to believe, discrimination is done in the 21st century! That passed too and… if until then Andrea’s gossipings for me were just strong suspicions, they became reality. It’s unbelievable that after everything they do, some people still consider themselves to be Christians. Anyway, I didn’t explode, neither revenged them… no matter how deep they dig into my past, they can’t reveal my true value – my religiousness. Recently I decided to shift my priorities and switch my socialisation for my studying which resulted with better colloquium results. And I’m planning to increase my success…

There am I now, another year behind me, possibly the most important in my life so far. When it comes to the “Mines”, the interest from both sides is decreased as nothing is the same without the same place and same us, yet you know me, sometimes I don’t know when to stop, so I’m aiming towards more bombastic and more shocking year. Above all a year full of love. My wishes for 2013? More spirituality, more religiousness, more forgiveness, better behavior, excessive patience minus negativism which would result with more happiness and closeness to God. They haven’t seen the best of me, my diary is still waiting for becoming public… until then… I LOVE YOU                                                                                                                                                                      ❤️❤️❤️!

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27.12.2012, 28.12.2012

Thursday 27.12.2012

Now that my faculty obligations are done for 2012 except the I.T. seminar work, I have time to rest. However dad wanted I to walk with him and M. had invited me at their place the previous day. The break is for me, not for me with them.

There were results I.T.. I had 16 points, just as I expected.

 

Friday 28.12.2012
[Based on notes]

L.A. results: I expected 13, but got 10. But it was OK, considering that on the total list I had finished tied for 6th (8th). Others have declined too.

M. came again, interrupting me. I dislike that he comes often.

The evening, the B.P. results were published: I expected 13, yet got high 14. 6th on the list. I am finally evaluated. Andrea was 28th with 7.5 points thanks to my logic.

Mum said we must go to a psychologist as I’m not gathering for New Year. She DOESN’T believe in me. I never hoped much in them after they disappointed me though. I can’t gather with someone who I haven’t been with the whole year. I have own self. I’m not an asslicker.

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Wednesday 26.12.2012

Electrotechnics colloquium.

As the today’s colloquium started at 10, as per usual Andrea and I found a free lecture room where we studied. The mademoiselle was bored waiting, so after a phone problem who stopped her to call Alison, she decided to descend in the hall “to see if there are some colleagues”. I understood she wanted to go alone, but I didn’t allow it, only if she returned to call me. If she knew my phone was non-functional, how come would I know when to go out? Nobody we knew was downstairs, so… back again. I believe her purpose was to chat with whoever different than me. Failed! After her interest about my relatives soothed, she wanted to leave me again and we went together again and this time there was someone – Derek Derkzy.

-Hi. – Her usual “innocent” way of starting …whatever with people. They shook hands on his request, and Derkzy & I shook hands on my initiative. Andrea asked him about Electrotechinics and again – spoke about herself. Then they were quiet. I didn’t feel endangered no matter how much they’d talk, if I want, I can make us closer. That’s how things are generally set in today’s world: she didn’t have the gender. I tried to change it, but eventually managed to adapt somehow. If I wanted I’d intentionally sit right next to him and not next to Andrea!

New player: The mademoiselle was using the freshly arrived Diana to fill her time. Subject: Electrotechnics again.

The B.P. assistant Alison passed and I appreciate that she smiled to me – the first one she saw from us and she said “Hello”. Dave joined us from my side, the turn came to the most popular ones –Reis and his friends. It was interesting that noone of them (despite the tension between us) skipped me when they saluted and that someone from Ergin or Fred when my turn came changed his hand position for the standard handshake, but I preferred to high five like with the others – which happened. OK. Muhammed arrived who seemed closer to Dave then to me until I asked him about the yesterday’s colloquium and until he invited me to Turkey again – normally I left it for a future year. He is leaving on Sunday. He said twice “Bro!”, I accepted that he could use it with new people, but the “Nick” that followed gave me hope. Info from Diana: apparently the exam season starts from February, the fourth.

Later, upstairs in A.2, once again, Muhammed sat next to me. The hybrid from Mines 2 from my other side contacted with me about the distance from one place, while the other Mines 2 member from behind me told me to put my test aside. It took me some time to realise that Diana who came in package with Andrea (who succeeded in the quest to find someone to rewrite from) come to my row to rewrite from Reis who sat in the second row in front of us. Yes, Muhammed did come to Kochani last weekend. Before he told me how many points he got from the first Electrotechnics colloquium, he mistakingly showed me his middle finger. He apologised to me and Reis saw me laughing. There were Math results. I called Emily to ask her where are they uploaded (and Reis saw this!), but she misunderstood me. Anyway, the professor arrived, also arrived other students from other years who distributed themselves among us. A guy wanted to sit between Muhammed and I, but Muhammed didn’t allow him, so the guy moved on my left. I made myself stupid when after the professor’s question if there was someone without test I attached myself that the one next to me didn’t have, but he was there to examine Electronics…

Like the first time, the students rewrote from one another. Even the professor supported it saying he intentionally allows it since he wasn’t satisfied with the first colloquium results. It is unchristian, but when the authority approves it … how much is enough? Muhammed rewrote from me and he indicated to me an error (saw from Reis). The professor called Reis to come forward with the test. After a brief (but strong) resistance, just as I had in mind, his examining wasn’t over, but he was taken to solve in another lecture room alone and we were left without a supervisor! They returned very quickly with the professor exposing Reis’s displeasure as “there weren’t girls”!! Ultimately Reis was placed at the professor’s desk, and Muhammed kept rewriting from me, I did the same with a task from him. I believed he was more dedicated to “Allah”. Accept that there is someone better than you. If you believe in eternal life, why do you care so much about the present? I left two exercises completely unsolved, but I know it’s better than before.

In the hall (after I passed over the Kumanovo guy with company), Dave told me he left the project activity CD to the professor. I went on the iron computer to see my Math results. It was busy and 11:41 and I wasn’t sure whether Andrea would stay for the Linear Algebra seminar work presentation, so I asked the guy if he would finish in a while, he immediately yielded it to me. I opened the results – they contained the overall points. I have achieved 18.5 points! The effort paid off. This is a proof that if want something I can reach it, I just wasn’t paying enough attention about the first colloquium. I believe I know French the most from all of my colleagues there, unfortunately I didn’t relate it with Maths to use L’Hôpital’s rule on the dernier exercice. It’s great anyway!

I saw Andrea from the glass and Muhammed told her where I was. I went at the company she was with, she was looking for me for the seminar work she forgot, but it occurred to her to use my USB. We headed upstairs to check Andrea’s points (and on the stairs Monique asked me if I knew where the L.A. presentation’s would take place) – 6.5 – she missed half a point to 42 meaning she’d have to make an additional assignment. On the road to the copy shop, she suddenly said:
-Hey there it is.
And she run on the other side. Who did she see on the waiting area? I realised it was the bus she was talking about. She is so cheap? A simple sight ruins her plans?

I ran after her and we caught the bus. Fact: She doesn’t have own “self”. I knew she had a problem with her phone, but not to know the time? Then why did she start going at the first place? Irresponsibility, and this equals skipping class! Why would I have stayed alone: why exactly ME would take responsibility?

In Preevytip, after we got in the taxi, while we were waiting for the taxi driver she told me she rewrote everything, mainly from Reis and William. Andrea told her friend Tara that the one who was coming was our colleague who got on her nerves a lot and lived in his own separate world. I immediately assumed it was Nelson II, then I saw Nelson One walking on my side. Andrea revealed she deleted him from Facebook and pointed out his nonsense in the group. Nelson just passed, pretending he didn’t see us. Let it be. I learned that those behind us are the driver’s wife and daughter. And what about his commentary that Andrea is just for him? Infidelity!

Home I saw I was 10th on the Math list (or tied with No. 9) having 57,5 total points. If only the 2nd colloquium is considered I’d find myself in 4-6 position.

I remembered Trevor’s promise that he was going to repay about the B.P. colloquium sample. I’m a Christian and I don’t see things from perspective that everything among people must be compensated, but a word is a word.

Later, M. came and after seeing my Boki 13 desktop background, nervously asked if I was like him and if I had female features. I was quiet but for a matter of fact I DO have some female features. The transition towards the sexuality is not an easy process and right now I’m bisexual. My uncle said that if he sees Boki one more time, he won’t talk to me anymore. Then I don’t need such people. By myself I know that hating and repelling someone is not a good thing and may cause a contra effect. I was discriminated, but there also were souls that accepted me ignoring my negativities. They believed in me.

He asked me if I had other friend from the faculty. I answered with:
-Come on, I have and don’t ask me in relation to that anymore.
He later saw on F.B. I liked Ergin’s photos and asked me who he was. I said “Well it’s written. Read” and being aware of his I.Q. he maybe ignored the letters avoiding him to find out that Ergin’s Turk. I didn’t care. If I did, I would have removed myself from his close friends list to prevent it. Let it be, when he already decided to see me as a star, I won’t hide my private life.

Later, at grandma’s she and grandad asked me questions about Muhammed. I answered them.

Anyway, I had finally cleared up with my faculty obligations for 2012 with the exception of the I.T. seminar work. I finally have some time to rest and to fix my diary.

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Tuesday 25.12.2012

I.T. colloquium.

Berge had accepted my Facebook offer.

While Andrea and I were waiting in front of lecture room 2, Victoria passed and said “Hello” to us, Andrea thought she remembered her from the previous day.

I studied irregularly for this colloquium, not harder than the first time.

In the hall Andie joined us with a female friend of hers (ok, there was a boy sitting, I had balance).  Andrea was looking for someone who knew the I.T. material, she quickly made friends with Andie’s friend who did know and she sat next to her in my (third) row. Reis was in front of me again. Benjamin intentionally moved next to me from the back. I made friends with Andie’s other girl – Katherine who said “I don’t know how this one’s called” to a friend of hers. I asked her if she’s on Business Computer Studies and how was she able to sit on the broken chair. Benjamin threatened Reis to show him (“‘cos I’ll throw you over there”). The test that was just 2 pages, had a not very hard table and somewhat hard questions.

Benjamin corrected me about the table, later asked me a question (TLS) I didn’t know. I didn’t know a colleague’s question, but noticed the sockets question was the same as the one in my group. Benjamin had it, but didn’t want to show me, even though I indicated to him to move his arm. OK, he rewrote the question from Reis, and didn’t want I to see it. I realised it was just CHEAP revenge that I didn’t show him. If you do something, do it with study. Btw what kind of Christianity is that that he should have after catching the cross? The guy even adjusted his crotch! How was it for me?

Emily called me “Nicky” to ask me about SSL layers. I didn’t know it, along with the sockets and another question, which rewrote it from the notebook, but even 2 days later I saw I was wrong. I put my expectation around the number 15. Andrea was expelled.

On the waiting area the bench fell when a guy sat next to me.

In the bus, thirsty for information, I sat with Andrea. She told me she rewrote and gave Andie to rewrite, but got caught. She was afraid. She expects at least 17 points. Wow!

She didn’t leave me alone even at home. The mademoiselle came briefly for extra Electrotechnics formula. Unannounced.

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Monday 24.12.2012

L.A. colloquium.

I was alone in the bus, Andrea left earlier?

I arrived at 08:02. They haven’t started yet. I said hi and shook hands with Berge. Muhammed invited me twice, I sat right next to him in row 2. Andrea entered from the A2 backdoor accompanied by Nelson I and II. After not finding a seat on the other side, she commented:
-Looks like they’ll move all of us.
-Let it be – I said.
The Nelsons were standing aside. Who would say I would be the one from them who would sit? I stood, then sat again. The colloquium was hard. There were things I encountered for a first time. Many questions, difficult exercises.

The Berovo guy was behind me asking me to tell him, I told him “Enough!”. I couldn’t see clearly at Muhammed’s colloquium, so I randomly guessed if the answer was a, b or c and told him. Muhammed was tolerant towards me filling my colloquium. Someone touched me from behind, I ignored him. At last, а voice said “stay like that”. It was Benjamin and I allowed him. As a Christian, I also later allowed Dean from Berovo to rewrite a definition from me, although he spoke to me only for use.

My colloquium was worse than the first time, but I expect 10 points or more.

Later, I went to stand with Andrea and Gulben outside in the yard as we were supposed to print the L.A. seminar work. She wanted to participate in our project, Andrea didn’t want, but I said: “I have nothing against”, so she accepted to include her. Mike joined us. Muhammed thanked me. “No problem” if my answers were not correct.

They were discussing to eat at Chardak. I asked if there’s only broth, I was told there were sandwiches too. Gulben said to me: “Come on hang us out”. No, I was planning go at the white pastries. My plan was ruined as those words (“hang us out”) had meaning to me, so I joined them.

We didn’t go to Chardak, but to Gecko. It was hard to decide for us what to order: Andrea chose tea, I saw from her and I ordered fruit tea; about food: Gülben had french fries, Mike took pastramajlija, Andrea – pancake: I saw it from her too. It would seem like I didn’t have an own self, but… I make decisions when I want! Even before we ordered, Mike said I sent him forty-something photos, but it was a lie. I asked him how did he know I took the homework.
-They saw you.
-Who?
-I told him.
Andrea revealed they chatted (as I KNEW!). Apparently she asked for 100€ she to write them to him! Unchristian. His girlfriend wrote them for him.

Muhammed came on Friday in Kochani to a party.

The theme around the table was fasting. Mike started and… like village people that completely fit the attribute, it was continued. Andrea never fasted, Gulben used to fast with no water and fainted in the summer.

They went out for da Smoker to smoke, Mike made her company and it was a chance for me to explore the Islam religion first handedly from Gülben (suhur, iftar…).

The other two colleagues came back. Mike wanted me to eat pastramajlija. He mentioned me to his girlfriend.

Andrea revealed she’d lie to her mother about bus monthly ticket.

I was the least participant in the conversation! But let it be. The real me will stay for others, without double-faced people like Andrea and Mike. Every honour, Gulben!

Outside, Mike (who hugged me before) left us, maybe because I was closer to girls.

In the copy shop, we saw Zack and the Bum-bam-boom guy. Zack touched me and asked if I was fine. The guy who worked there offered to send us a catalogue for making various-subjects seminar works, but of course, the licker imposed herself to say her name and surname. Apparently she would send it to us. Not fair, I need it more.

Back to the faculty, in the hall Fred said we needed to take the indexes from Gwen.

In front of her office, at the door I saw Reis, he saw me and – nothing.

Inside, the it girl noticed me:
-Nick.
-We got lost.
-We forgot each other?
-We got lost.
-Translate it to me.
-We don’t see each other.
Andrea was listening!
-How come we don’t? Do you go to faculty?
-I do. But sometimes I don’t.
-And I go.
-‘Cos you’re from here.

After taking indexes, Andrea left at Tara’s.

Being alone means own self.

The evening I send a Facebook friendship request to Berge.

Yes, there were results from the first Electrotechnics colloquium: 7 points for me, which is good. I did expect a one digit number.

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22.12.2012, 23.12.2012

Saturday 22.12.2012

While M. was at my place, an unfamiliar number was ringing on my phone. Maybe it was the Turk. Which one?

I answered, it was a survey.

 

Sunday 23.12.2012

I was masturbating in a dream. It ended with culmination. Mum entered in the room saying it smelled a lot. I believed that I can be still faithful to God even after this. I woke up. It was a dream and it didn’t smell. But… I did cum. Did I masturbate? Did I break the cycle just when I was approaching one year anniversary? Maybe I did, but it wasn’t consciously, so…

At 10:59 Mike had written me “Nicky come on if you can that homework you took the other day take photos with phone and send it greeting.”

Of course, as a Christian, I took photos of the homework, zipped them and sent them to him, but… I added “and how do you know I took it the other day?” and imagine – no answer. After waiting for half an hour, I noticed he opened it via phone. Hahaha. I imagined the gossip girl told him as he first asked from her.

She invited me pre-midday to do the L.A. seminar work.

I went at mademoiselle’s, she was shivering. I choose a task from the book she had, she typed it. And fortunately I had forgotten my USB, so she opened Facebook to send it to me. In her inbox I saw she chatted with the withdrawn Trevor and at 20:08 – with Mike. I connected things. Just as I imagined. He asked her, then me, when they are already both villains it’s normal to ask from her first.

Later I added Trevor Ethanson on Fb, he accepted. His profile contains Christianity photos that explain much of his behavior, but not “we’ll repay” and his joy of the nurses with syringe.

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