[The text is based on notes.]
While I was walking in Stip, a girl from the opposite side of the street showed me a sign to come and said “Come”. Who was she? Should I smile? When I came closer it turned out she was from a TV with a cameraman. She asked me:
-Do you watch “Ask the major?” on TV STAR?
-I’m not from there. – I answered.
She told me that despite it, I could ask him for example if there would be a New Year celebration on the square and if he’d additionally decorate before New Year. I said “Wait to devise”, then when the camera turned on I said I wanted to ask the mayor if there would be a New Year celebration. They were looking at me. It was my first talking to a TV camera experience. I said “town” instead of “square” looking at the camera. The man stopped recording, the girl thanked me. A woman commented “You don’t have luck”.
I was happy. They made me.
On the faculty, in the hall I saw the Turkish colleague with a poor Macedonian language knowledge, who was looking at me. Nothing. We were sitting separately. However, he approached me:
-Excuse me, are You waiting for Electrotechnics?
He wanted to know when did it start and sat next to me. I appreciate that he dared. I asked him if he was from Turkey, he told me he was from Izmir. I asked which group he was from. He had some work from the morning. I stated I hadn’t seen him until then, except on B.P.. He asked me when was the colloquium. He suggested to talk in English, which we briefly did. He was interested which group he was in for the B.P. project.
Nelson 2 arrived with Reis & co. as he went on the Maths practices with the first group. I asked him what did he leave with the previous day, he answered he didn’t, having stayed at a friend’s place. Reis was looking at me. The Turk went away. After we entered in A.2, I targeted and sat again on the same position, Reis wanted I to decide first and this time he decided one place next to the one in front of me. Al sat next to him again. The Turk came in the same row – one seat away from me. I asked him where he had been, he didn’t understand. I asked why I’ve only seen him on B.P.. Nelson 2 was looking at me twice. The Turk told me his diopter was 7 and 14.
After Dave entered, he greeted with his hand almost everyone but me. When he came on his old place close to me, I said he didn’t want to do it with me, he rejected it.
Vanessa’s best friend said that Boki 13 is Terminator.
On Electrotechnics the Turk, whose name is Berge, asked Benjamin to tell him the colloquium dates, thing that Benjamin started to talk first. He knew 3(!) and he wrote them to him. OK. I just dislike it. He doesn’t do it because he’s good, he does it in order to affirm himself, putting himself above the others. He doesn’t do it for God.
Calling me Nicky (there it was, now Nicky when he has use), Benjamin asked me for a piece of paper. I didn’t have, but I but I tore from another notebook ‘cos I’m good.
The colleague Pete arrived next to Dave. He greeted me with his hand.
Muhammed took the place next to me. He spoke often to Berge. He said he was sick for 7 days. I asked him if he recovered, he didn’t. I was bored.
Andrea wasn’t even looking at me.
Muriel and Reis discussed getting the Electrotechnics exercises saying that the employee at the copy shop near the faculty is an “airhead” and that it was expansive there.
Muriel wasn’t looking at me. When she finally did, I waved her and asked if she made the seminar work, she told me “Almost”. I thought to stand up (and to say “I have a desire for you (and she for Reis)), but soon the lecture started.
Reason for no colloquium results: Getting dark early, the van shook…
I was sad. Berge smiled to me, but that wasn’t it. Muhammed asked me:
-Bro why are you pensive?
-To come in Turkey.
-OK. I want to. But later.
Reis shouted after Andrea while she was leaving.
After we were released, in the hall I walked with Muhammed and informed him I had practices, not him.
In lecture room 3 Pete told me to keep a place. I was so good that I moved a place voluntarily for his friend. Thomas asked me where I was, to which I responded he was gone or late. Then he asked if I was stronger than him and after I negated, he wanted us to do arm wrestling adding that he would relent. I refused, but he was persistent. He confirmed to me that he would relent, so I accepted. It started slow, the audience was on, I strengthened myself. It was hard, in the end he used the tried trick to pull towards him quickly, making him win. OK. It was cheating. I’m not disappointed, it’s very normal. I’m better at other things. He is strong, something that he has been doing his whole life, I lost weight like a real lady. Subconsciously I have said: I wanna fuck him.
Thomas commented that I was really strong, then repeated something about fucking up if we did it when he intended last Friday. I just couldn’t remember what have I said. Now, at home I think maybe it was “You’re very weak”, but it was just they to see my resourcefulness.
Thomas wanted to see if my cut had passed. One year old wound to pass in one week? Anyway, I showed it to him. He asked if it was scary and said I should go ahead to see how the blood would splash. He understood scary as serious, not scary for looking at. I don’t care. I did it just for attention. I felt neglected. A woman was lying in my room and didn’t care about my feelings. It’s my fault I gave so much significance to both: grandma R. and Barbara. Anyway, spirituality matters.
After hearing Muriel that she ate her [New Year] package, I expressed interest about who was it from, it was from her parents.
I was alone on the pause. I erased the board. Peter asked me “Nicky where are you?” and “Are you OK?”. Hahaha, like a special case treatment. Now he was alone!
I told Muriel I heard her and Reis talking about the Electrotechnics exercises which I had, offering to give them to her. We arranged I to bring them the next day she to copy them. Even the evil me would do that. I’d do her favors in order to feel indebt enough towards me so that she couldn’t oppose me. Anyway, goodness wins.
I went with Dave on the waiting area. The high school students could see me with a friend. Thomas, Muriel and Emily arrived. Thomas shared his girlfriend called him in the middle of the lesson, then asked me:
-Do you have a girlfriend?
-You want to?
-Big, what kind of?
-Like Muriel. – Emily said what I wanted to, I just repeated it.
Thomas told me it would cost me 500 denars and that he would send it to me on Facebook to see it. He said that no one can fuck me. I was ready for revenge. I was suggested to hit him, but I leave it to God. Thomas revealed he weighted 85 kilos. I didn’t believe it. That’s why he won over me. I was 60, Muriel had 57. She offered Thomas to take her, but acted scarily of him. I said I would defend her, so she went behind me. I asked if the doll is alive, Thomas confirmed, to which Dave laughed. He doesn’t understand: We were both frivolous, but eventually will get it.
It occurred to Thomas it could wear undies from her grandma, I accepted and he added I’d undress it. He asked if I wanted it to be female, I confirmed, then asked about male, I denied, but when he asked about female again, I didn’t answer.
I waved after I sat in the bus.
Home, I had a Facebook friendship request from Naomi Uzzle. I offered to Emily – accepted, later I received another one: Benjamin. Finally I had him.
The evening I posted on Ni:
“I’m just testing you, and I leave the revenge to God.
While some pay back immediately, I patiently hope that you will be still saved.
I don’t mean anything bad to you, and I know well that someday you will be ashamed of yourself, of me and most importantly, of God.
Until then, your gossipings and accusations don’t personally hurt me, but you hurt your Creator with that.
Make it easy: don’t speak in codes, I know who you refer when you mention Boki 13 anyway, especially accompanied with the word “Terminator”. I don’t see well, but know that I hear you. I recommend you not to waste your time with me, finally find your “self” – grow up.
Will you understand the basis of life for once or will you continue to be Christians only on word? Religion is not relaxation, it’s obligation, a way of life. No matter how much evil you are towards me, I will endure for God to see your maximum!
Every honor for those with a high level of spirituality.”