17.11.2012, 18.11.2012

Saturday 17.11.2012

Dave had offered me friendship on Facebook. So he is more or less honest with me.

I had surprising guests: aunt Delia, Billy and Dominic. They were thinking whether to call me at first, but decided to come anyway as they haven’t come since long time ago. Great. They are letting me know that they know that they mean to me. Aunt Delia was interested about me and the faculty giving me nice pieces of advice. After hearing my colloquium results, she noted that some students used to constantly getting A’s in high school find it hard. It’s not the case with me. In high school at the beginning my only purpose were the excellent grades, I signed to faculty because of socialization. And I’m succeeding!

In the evening grandma D. was asking me about my hanging outs on the faculty:
-Are you closer to males of females?
-I’m not telling you. What do you think? Who am I closer to?
-I think you hang out with the one that you have met…
Meaning Vanessa.
No.
I told her something is happening to me, but that I would reveal to her when the time comes.
-And is it good?
-Well when I’m happier, it means it’s good.
She assumed it was about a lover or a crush. Just a crush? This is not high school. Btw Monday was coming close.
-It’s good.

Others dare to offer me Facebook friendship, I finally clicked “Add friend” to Albert Timpson – Al.

 

Sunday 18.11.2012

I walked with grandad.

Al haven’t accepted me yet, neither has posted anything on his profile.

Thought of the day: Sometimes I forget other people’s faces, but they NEVER forget ME.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Friday 16.11.2012

As the bus was late again, I arrived just after the I.T. assistant opened the door to my group and Nelson I. He thinks he can impose wherever, whenever he wants. Doesn’t he realise he’s more than boring?

I said “Good morning” to the dark haired colleague from B.P. and sat on the closest place available to the place I used to sit. After a while, Benjamin joined us too. His first chosen computer wasn’t working, so he liked it or not he sat next to me. I looked at him, he asked me where was I and I asked him why with our group, he replied not to wait and asked if we signed. I learned he started to make his Math project (seminar work), group 8.

Lesson: HTML tables.

Benjamin whispered sth, I turned towards him, but it was addressed to Nelson I.

Held more than ever, on the way out after we said nothing with Reis, I spotted our it girl saluting somebody, I intentionally touched her back, she turned towards me and we Hied each other high fiving. We were seen by the one from Berovo (of course laughing) and probably Marcus. The Kumanovo guy asked me about my B.P. points and said “Didn’t you do nothing?”… “Me 0”. In the hall Benjamin was standing and resumed walking with me. He didn’t know where was he going, but he joined some guy.

Near the exit, Peter – Mines 2 asked me where was I and hesitated to do an act with his hand. In the yard, I sat on a bench. Alone. A group of colleagues from my group were gathered not far from me. I turned on the other side. I could hear some of their words. One was main – Peter #4, and the others gravitated towards him. They were scratching. Maybe some day they’ll hit something. I go to a certain gain: God. Those who understand gambling as sin, understand.

At least when I talk to others, I act like a real human. I’m that way. All or nothing.

If last year the “stickers” were Ethan and Derek P., now their producer’s company is more generous. I have a feeling there will be duplicates… That will pass too…

They weren’t talking about me. Then they got quiet, and then…
-Nicky!
It reminded me a lot on Ducky. It was Peter – #4.
-What?
-Come here.
I hesitated.
-Come here. Why have you sat there alone?
I went towards them.
-Well, where should I go?
-Well, come with us, sit. Make a room for him. Sit…
I hesitated, but sat. I changed my mind to sit.
-Why are you pensive? Is some girl bothering you?
Why Benjamin didn’t ask me that? But I smiled to him…
-No.

Surprisingly Vanessa who this time seemed friendly, said to me:
-In Stip there are beautiful girls.
There it was… Our first verbal contact since the start.
Ooou, I hope it wasn’t pride.
She was courageous, so I remarked our moment:
-Vanessa.

Peter asked me if I drink alcohol and Vanessa’s faculty male best friend wanted to know if I smoke. Don’t I look like a Christian to you? Then he asked me:
-And do you go for girls?
-No.
Wait, I transformed even too much this year. But I’m just getting started.

Peter threw in that one girl has disappointed me and that I think about her all the time. No, you (I mean like a group, not individual) were the reason for my reservedness. Guys, you were showing your (in)humanity from the beginning, how do you expect to act in front of you? You think I smile all the time? I smile when I feel spirituality fulfilled, something most of you failed to give. Didn’t you realise it was a test? Were you so narrow minded, that you couldn’t relate my introversion to the religion? It is a fact that I am better accepted from the first group. Logically, I’ll keep my energy for those who truly accept me and respect me. Not that I don’t have it enough, I’m just doing what the real persons deserve – the best of me. Those who tried me know.

…They were interested in my colloquium results. The frozen-in-the-face girl (I don’t push limits here, she has left me such impression) commented that I have written the most Internet Technologies, Peter stated I have passed.

Distancing from my subject, it was Mike’s turn. He was absent this day, but present on this world since 1985!

Yes, Peter revealed Mike started studying Computer Science with his generation, dropped it and later decided to return as his parents pushed him, but this was his choice. Someone added he should have been married by now and have kids, Peter imitated him.

So that’s why I noticed too much maturity in his voice. Curiously, his year of birth was hidden on Facebook.

Vanessa wanted to know why the Electrotechnics professor let us re-write the previous day. “Because he is going to fuck us up later on the exam?” Obviously she hasn’t chosen the religious way. And that’s the best version of her? Laughing?

1_After I mistakingly took the second floor hall, Peter #4 told me we won’t have Electrotechnics where we used to as the computers were covered with oilcloths.

Peter – mines 2 passed in the hall in front of me, I didn’t warn him about the lecture room situation and I felt kind of guilty. When he returned Thomas had come and asked me:
-Do you play sport tickets?
Like for the interest.
-No.
-Аа, he does, he does. – said a member from Mines 2.
-I don’t. – I was telling the truth.
Thomas offered to tell me a ticket carrying big gain, I wasn’t interested. If I’m already earning money, I want it to be the honest way, with effort as a real Christian should do.

Plus if he was certain, he would take those money. I believe I made impression that the bets have disappointed me.

Nelson I asked me “How’s it?”.

After all, the assistant decided to hold practices in lecture room 12 removing the oilcloths. I sat in the fourth row, Peter #4 sat next to me, Benjamin was in front of me.

The assistant wasn’t generally satisfied by the colloquium, which is good for me, at least there are other weak ones.

It was time we to be given the seminar work’s subjects in groups of 3. Of course, I was alone, nobody asked me. We were allowed to merge with the other group depending on our geographical vicinity, so I hoped Andrea would pick me on their practices. Nelson I, Nelson II (who was absent) and Benjamin formed a group, although I would say that Benjamin and Tim would be together. On his way back Nelson I stopped and was looking at me. I said:
-Nelson… (I named him for the first time)
-Will you go by taxi?
Benjamin interrupted our moment and Nelson joined him. Now I have a higher opinion for Nelson and no longer see him as enemy, for now it’ll be like for Andrea – a friendly person, but active sinner.

I went forward where everyone who stayed was. Without a group. Dave didn’t have one too.
-Do you want you and I to make it together? – It was Thomas.
-I want to.
Dave asked if it’s possible to be two in a group, Thomas added him with us.

Once again Thomas didn’t reveal his place of living saying he lives behind mountains. His only assignment would be burning the CD. It wouldn’t be all the same to Andrea…

We arranged to communicate via Facebook, he added I don’t log on FB, I admitted it was because an ex-classmate of mine bothers me. I have already put to appear offline to her, but if I put myself online to others, I’d feel guilty, so… I told him her name was Barbara, but didn’t tell him what she writes to me as I couldn’t remember. Thomas sexually connected us, and I became interesting to the fat Nick. He asked me about my name and my place of living. Meanwhile, Thomas was talking on his phone.
-To write me, you and Tailor…
What? Behind my back!?

After his chat I told him what I had planned:
-Are you fucking me up?
-I’m not fucking you up.
-Well what were you talking on the phone? Are you in group with others?

To short it, he didn’t admit, but he did write he, Tim and Tailor on the list.
-Are you mad at me?
-OK. (I was smiling, it’s not worth to understand it seriously) OK.
I went back to my place, took my jacket and the bag and came forward again.
-Are you mad at me?
So I mean to him. Experience has shown me that you literary ALWAYS come back to me, just as you will come back to GOD.
-Are you mad at me?
-Nothing…
It indicated I didn’t feel anything about him, I forgot I should have felt love.
-A little?
You think I didn’t remember that answer? But I forgive, I am not mad at anyone.
-Don’t be mad at me.
Thomas, people who know me well, know I’m ready to do far more dangerous things than being mad. You don’t want me to be your enemy, believe me. You are not afraid from God, so I can easily make you be afraid from me. Ya think you can play with me? What would Boki 13 say: “Hahahah”. Even on deed I see that you love the hell, but this is a shame even for the devil. At least he is generous towards people he wants to attract to him. Your action wasn’t supernatural at all. It was crazy.  See ya on the judgment day.

-I’ll pick my Zlox girl, Andrea. I’ll be with her.
He thinks he was my last choice?
It is underestimation, but of course from that kind of person it has no significance for me.

Dave asked me if he can be in our group, I let him. I called Andrea, she accepted. When you need your ex-enemy…

Dave wrote us in, the assistant gave us the subject “Principle of operation and construction of a speaker”. Leaving together Dave told he had material from a last year book of his. I asked him about the school subject, with effort he remembered it was “Digital logic…”… Yes, the one he took for matura, from his previous chat with Muriel I found out that he failed a subject. Math? Of course, he offered himself to prove that he can contribute, that’s how those people function.

Muriel asked us which subject do we have, Dave answered. He asked me where will I go. He left with his car.

I called Andrea again to tell her about Dave and she to write her index number. Btw I learnt she was at Tara’s apartment, and not becoming spiritually closer to some colleagues.

After my walk, I went on the waiting area.

Christian and Benjamin were coming, they stood by the taxi Nelson I was in. Then it was my turn. Christian grumbled that we have finished earlier (“fuck your mother”), Benjamin joined me, saying to the Kumanovo guy he’s coming this weekend in Kumanovo. They were exchanging their numbers when my bus arrived. Let it be. Let them have each other. God and I have each other.

I felt bad for my f-word utterance, but In the taxi, the front passenger and the driver were cursing. It was in a sexual sense and they didn’t regret. Terrence (Terry) and I were sitting at the back seat. He surprisingly asked me what I study and what subjects I learn. I didn’t ask him anything, like I didn’t ask the previous Nick as it looked like ass-licking to me cause if they didn’t say anything to me, I wouldn’t interact with them either.

Home, I realised that I don’t see #2 these days at all, so he has likely given up his studies. And as I see Thomas isn’t a person who would stick to Dave all the time. A shake-up?

Mike was gone too. Has he given up again after his zero B.P.?

Muhammed is leaving, Ethan has dropped, who would say the departing would happen so soon?

A thing isn’t a thing without Nick’s fingers mixed in it – finally: The reason for the bus picking up the mines earlier revealed. In front of my house Monique Bickey was telling to a woman about the overcrowding in the bus, apparently she stood next to the door, and next to her there were other children too, so she went at the principal to rebel. The next day the bus arrived at 6:50 and waited for the rest of the students to come.

Mum told me Monique’s sister, Sandra, my ex-classmate, went abroad and got married!

Barbara waved me from a car returning from George and Georgia’s birthday.

M. came and told me Derek P. left on military.

According to M., Ethan didn’t leave faculty as he saw him coming out of the bus the same day. It doesn’t hint anything to me. Perhaps Ethan went to take his documents.

Mum and I later went at grandma’s, I was in the mood, full of spirituality.

Back home Muhammed wrote to me on Facebook and asked me why didn’t I go to faculty the day. I told him his results. They are weak, but meaningless if he leaves to Turkey soon. At the end I called him “bro”. It was the first time I addressed somebody that way.

Nice continuity day.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thursday 15.11.2012

The bus was late again.

In the bus Andrea told me that Mack and her father showed her Electrotechnics, that’s why she didn’t come at my place. So, apparently she knew more than me. Especially theory.

Another continuation of Andrea and mine’s comedy. The “catholic church” was free, so Andrea and I went there and a colleague went with us. The professor’s and the book’s ways of summing electric energies in circuits were different, so we had a problem. The colleague laughed. Andrea was worried she wouldn’t make anything, I knew I’d do weak, but of course, that wasn’t my purpose. The colleague, who was from Berovo, kept laughing at the mistakes and our insufficient preparedness like that was the only thing he knew. Well, instead of being thankful for learning from mistakes, it’s funny to him. Those who learn from the best know. I couldn’t look for intelligence in him as he blinked many times to refresh his brain, and the cheap Bulgarian accent won’t bring him much in life.

I don’t remember who I talked to in the hall, but I do remember how Andrea was sticking to me and my gang (I remembered Benjamin).

Inside I sat in the second row next (a place away) to Peter #4. Mike went to him, said “Ee bro” to me and we hit our hands (fist).

Muhammed sat next to me. Andrea was in front of me, with the Berovo guy.

The colloquium had less questions, but it was harder than I expected. Andrea asked me to tell her the 1st question about unit of measurement for electrical potential (volt). Coulomb was my choice. She also asked what I have circled on the 2nd and 3rd question. It was not like this, but understand it like this: it was possible more answers to be correct, so I said the second question was b and c, the third a, she understood 2b, 3c. I rewrote from her as she knew more.

Muhammed rewrote from me, but the professor moved him away. There was a 9th exercise for bonus points! I solved 7/9 or 7/8, but of course they are not correct. Anyway, it’s not without anything.

The professor noted that the guy in the first row i.e. Nelson I turned left then right, maximally using his [small] height.

Outside I told Andrea I rewrote from her the questions on circling and she said she rewrote them from me. She told me that the 1st question was incorrect. She didn’t listen to herself. She thought she’d have 0 points, I hoped at least 1 for the effort.

Muhammed said to me “Thanks bro” that he rewrote from me.

Both groups had Math practices altogether. Andrea and I sat together. Lesson: Limits.

We were given a chance to see our Math and Linear Algebra tests. While waiting in the hall, after the it girl went out of the assistant’s office, I said it was very fast, she told me it was only for Linear Algebra. She was rushing, to which I commented she has obligations every day.

I went to see my Math test to find out why I had 9 points. I took more time than the other guy who entered with me. The assistant said “You have good points, but if it’s good why not to be better?”. She asked me why I didn’t wear my glasses as I was seeing hard, I replied I didn’t know where they were. Revelation: I was given 4,5 points for the vectors exercise, 2,5 for induction, 0 – plain, 2 – inequality (because of a wrong sign). OK, it’s easier when I know the mistakes.

Outside I said “Bye Sarah” to the it girl who was on the phone.

Andrea left with the high school students. She invited me, but you know: God is more important!

Facebook stories:

At 18:54 I became friend with Gecenin Gölgesi. It was Muhammed. He wrote to me, called me and turned his camera on, but I told him mine wasn’t working. He sang and he asked me to send him Andrea’s profile, then told me he added her. I told him his L.A. points.

Nelson II had shared the B.P. results in the group: The maximum number of points was 17,8. I was 21st with 10 points. I expected maximum of 12,5. I’m satisfied. I wrote some of the things by luck. I’ve got points for my effort too. It’s good. Andrea had 5,5, Benjamin – 4, the Kumanovo guy, Mike and Gulben – 0 points.

I added Nelson II on Facebook.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday 14.11.2012

The bus was late. A lot. It reminded me of last year, only then I wasn’t alone, now I was alone. Andrea had decided not to go and called me to sign her if she wasn’t.

The bus finally arrived at 07:24. I was surprised when I saw the passenger waiting below me was one of the Mines – Derr. A curly haired girl asked him where he’s going, he replied “To Stip”. Now he gave me advantage. Guess what: We stood next to each other. Together again. I put my hand on the seat he was leaned on. We touched. We touched again when I swerved in an effort to adjust my bag. I found out why he was going after the curly haired girl asked him:  For a phone. I think we looked each other.

Later, I entered in A.2 and sat in the second row. We couldn’t see the presentation on the wall. We were a few.

On the break, I asked Benjamin if we would have Math (additional) later, he said no.

After the break, Gulben called me to sit next to her, as only we stayed, I came. I said Andrea said we to sign her up, but that I wasn’t doing it. She signed her and smiled to me.

After the lecture, outside in the yard:
-Come on colleague. – It was Pete, touching my back.
While you live on Earth you always have a chance to repent. God will receive you. He asked me what I finished high school, I said didn’t have a base as I was social А.

I went with them. Pete stood with a girl, I thought his other friend would join me, he didn’t. However, the it girl came and said:
-Nick aren’t you going?
-I’m waiting for these.
-Come on if you’re for this way. We are for that way.

Pete and his friends reached me, but for short: Pete said to me:
-Come on colleague, we’ll go to eat.
-Come on. – I just said as we separated.
He didn’t call me. They went towards a restaurant. Was that Chardak?

I walked. Returned, I read the restaurant’s name was “Mal Odmor”.

portfolio_116

Home, the L.A. results were published. I have 15 points, I’m satisfied.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tuesday 13.11.2012

Andrea wanted to wait for the pause, I wanted to enter on Math as we were late. She was afraid from the mood we’d find the professor in. She agreed, but said I to speak to the professor. Oоо, she knows I do speak when I want.  I commented “He can’t do anything to me” and we entered. I said “Good morning” to the professor, he asked us where we were from and if there wasn’t transport, I confirmed. Andrea sat next to me. Munin touched my back when he was coming in.

On the break he said to me if he had 18 points I.T. as I had, he’d be a king of Macedonia and said always to sit behind me.

For I.T. I moved to the first row. Benjamin asked “Who’s for eating?” looking at Nelson II behind me. Let it be. You’ll have me that much. The it girl said to me she couldn’t sit in the first row.

Benjamin was late and didn’t want to pass over me, so he sat next to me instead. Muhammed appeared at the door, I showed him a sign to come.

Home Gedzo had sent me a Facebook offer for friendship, I accepted.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Monday 12.11.2012

Could this day have been any more surprising?

The most shocking faculty day so far!

I joined Andrea to see if they were gonna have L.A. practices. They were going to. In the hall she met two colleagues and sat next to them. Mack who didn’t have lectures until 8:30 was making company and chat to Andrea. Why was that gathering? Come on… they are giving bonbons…  Oops, they are giving anti hair loss detergent…

I left, Mack “stuck” to me saying I should transfer to the other group. I went at lecture room 2 to study Electrotechnics, but the Electrotechnics assistant called his students there, so… I went to walk.

Back, ever since I saw Marcus in the hall without the it girl who didn’t say anything to me, I knew the it girl was absent as it was her birthday and I was planning to kiss her. Although it was early some of my colleagues from group one had entered in lecture room 10. I sat in the fourth row, Muhammed left his bag next to me and two members from the Mines 2 sat next to his bag. We were told we’d have B.P. practices. I said to Gulben who was in front of me that she was all time on Facebook, she said she was via her phone who vibrated when she had something new.

The Kumanovo guy asked me what did I do Math, I answered “Nothing” as it was the first thing that came to my mind not moving my eyes or head away.
-How many points?
-9.
-It’s not nothing. – He corrected me and I was accepting my mistake.
-Why nothing? 9 points is good.
It was the one of the Mines 2 that once sat next to me on B.P. practices. Pete (Peter) Parsons according to Facebook. I refrained from comments. Where was he until now? Own your own power!

Waiting, the Kumanovo guy was chatting with Tim in the front. The Kumanovo guy mentioned something that his … (somewhat, you will guess correct) is small and he related it with Boki 13. After that name and number, both of them looked at me. At me! Me!!!547128_3534138044514_281275836_n

Of course, I didn’t allow myself to look at them. I guess Andrea gossiped me in front of her group. Muhammed, who had moved a seat behind didn’t look at me as he probably didn’t understand her. There wasn’t space for doubt, 2 people at the same time, at that subject, so yes – they think I’m gay. Here’s what Boki would say if he was on my place:

“I see that you are relating me to Boki 13, something like you are comparing me with him hahahah…

FATTY, DON’T BE SO PRICKY. WITH YOUR MORONIC BEHAVIOR YOU ARE CONVINCINGLY THE BIGGEST SHAME FOR KUMANOVO AND GENERALLY FOR THE ENTIRE HUMANITY! FIRST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BEFORE SPITTING ON THE OTHERS. EVERY SECOND SENTENCE OF YOURS CONTAINS VULGAR CONTENT BECAUSE YOU CAN’T QUIT YOUR SEXUAL WORLD. OBVIOUSLY YOUR GIRLFRIEND (AND I KNOW HOW AND WHEN YOU MANAGED TO EARN HER) DOESN’T SATISFY YOUR NEEDS. WITH YOUR MENTAL DERANGEMENT YOU CAN FREELY LEAVE TO BARDOVCI, IT’S CLOSE TO YOU ANYWAY.

TIM, DO YOU KNOW THAT PEOPLE WITH SMALL MOUTH ARE MEDICALLY CONSIDERED FOR IDIOTS?

YOU’VE BEEN MUTILATED AND DESTROYED IN THE DORM, IT’S A FACT THAT YOU CANT FIT IN THE COMPANY, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SWAGGER WITH YOUR (IM)POLITENESS!

EVEN A BLIND MAN WOULD SEE YOU INTENTION WITH ANDREA. HONEST ATTITUDE: YOU MATCH, COME TO MEASURE WHO HAS BIGGER BALLS IF MY MASCULINITY IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE WITH YOUR CARS PASSION, MAYBE AFTER SOME CAR ACCIDENT YOUR MIND WILL FINALLY COME TO PLACE CAUSE UNLIKE THE KUMANOVO’S DIARRHEA, THERE’S STILL HOPE FOR YOU.

COLLEAGUES (ALTHOUGH YOU ARE BELOW MY LEVEL), I WAS FIRST ON THE LIST FOR THIS FACULTY, PROOF THAT I’M BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU. I KNOW EXACTLY WHOSE MOUTH BARKED ME AND WHY! WELL YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GAY IS.

AS LONG AS THERE ARE REAL MEN AND WOMEN WHO CONSIDER ME AS HETERO, I GIVE A FUCK FOR YOUR OPINION.

I NEVER START FIRST, BUT IF YOU RIP ME YOU WILL GET IT.

YOU DON’T DESERVE MY ATTENTION, YOU ARE JUST MOST ORDINARY WANKERS.

Love my fans and friends, Nick.”

[Here’s the text as originally written in Macedonian:]

“Gledam deka me povrzuvate so Boki 13, nesto kako da me sporeduvate so nego hahahah…

DEBEL, NEMOJ MNOGU DA SE KURCIS. SO TVOETO DEBILSKO ODNESUVANJE SI UBEDLIVO NAJGOLEMA BRUKA ZA KUMANOVO I VOOPSTO ZA CELOTO COVESTVO! PRVO PRIPAZI NA SEBE PRED DA PLUKAS PO DRUGITE. SEKOJA VTORA RECENICA TI E SO VULGARNA SODRZINA ZASTO NE MOZES DA IZLEZES OD TVOJOT SEKSUALEN SVET. OCIGLEDNO TVOJATA DEVOJKA (A ZNAM KAKO I KOGA USPEA DA JA KARIS) NE GI ZADOVOLUVA TVOITE POTREBI. SO TVOJATA MENTALNA POREMETENOST SLOBODNO MOZES DA ZAMINES VO BARDOVCI, I TAKA TI E BLIZU.

TIM, ZNAES LI DEKA LUGETO SO MALA USTA MEDICINSKI SE SMETAAT ZA IDIOTI?

TE OSAKATILE I UNISTILE VO DOMOT, FAKT E DEKA NE MOZEZH DA SE VKLOPIS VO DRUSTVOTO, KOLKU I DA SE PRCIS SO TVOJATA (NE)KULTURA!

I SLEPEC BI JA SFATIL TVOJATA NAMERA SO ANDJELA. ISKREN STAV: SI ODGOVARATE, DOJDI PA DA IZMERIME KOJ IMA POGOLEMA MUDA AKO MOJATA MASHKOST TI E TOLKU BITNA. I ZNAES SHTO? SLOBODNO PRODOLZI SO TVOJATA PASIJA ZA KOLI, MOZЕBI POSLE NEKOJA SOOBRAKJAJKA KONECNO KE TI DOJDE PAMETOT NA MESTO OTI ZA RAZLIKA OD KUMANOVSKIOT PROLIV, ZA TEBE SE USHTE IMA NADEZH.

KOLEGI (IAKO STE MI ISPOD NIVO), JAS BEV PRV NA SPISOKOT NA OVOJ FAKULTET, DOKAZ DEKA SUM PODOBAR OD SITE VAS. TOCNO ZNAM CIJA USTA ME IZLAJALA I ZOSTO! PA VIE NEMATE POIMA STO E PEDER.

SE DODEKA POSTOJAT VISTINSKI MAZI I ZENI KOI ME SMETAAT ZA HETERO, MI SE EBE ZA VASETO MISLENJE.

JAS NIKOGAS NE POCNUVAM PRV, ALI AKO ME CEPNES KE SI GO DOBIES.

NE GO ZASLUZUVATE MOETO VNIMANIE, VIE STE SAMO NAJOBICNI DRKADJII.

Love my fans and friends, Nick.”

I’m just saying it’s a sin fighting with the weaker.

P.S. Tim, how was it when you stuck your soft butt to my fingers in A2? Hahahah.

I asked Muhammed how were the colloquiums, he was satisfied – “20 points”.

meeting-evil-2012-movie-1After a while the Kumanovo guy played a movie with Leslie Bibb and some Jackson on the interactive board. Bien sûr, after the colleagues in the hall were called, Dave was the first to enter, as he was the least important member of the circle gathered. I wasn’t interested in the movie. Spirituality mattered far more.

Reis fast forwarded the movie and eventually replaced it with another. Eventually the professor that I have forgotten how she looks, appeared. Gulben told me Andrea entrusted her to sign her in.

After the lecture, on the road, were walking I, Muhammed, Gulben, the Kumanovo guy and Gulben. [Obviously there was another colleague whose name I have mistakenly replaced with Gulben’s.] I was avoiding the Kumanovo guy. Gulben said to me:
-Go to that girl to raise her skirt.
Referring to the girl in front of us. Before I remember what to say, the Kumanovo guy attached himself:
-She’s hitting on you.
-No. – Gulben got embarrassed.
-Why are you quiet? – The Kumanovo guy asked me, but didn’t get an answer.
Yes, I like her spiritually, but we are not supposed to marry with someone from another religion. It’s demoralising to those Christians who don’t even enter in matrimony of the type catholic and orthodox.

I stopped considering Christian for a Christian.

Gulben got angry at Muhammed and separated from us. At a moment the three guys formed a row in front of me. My Bon-ton book has told me 4 people don’t walk in a row on the street, yet I was trying to fit in from the right sight.

Then, Muhammed slowed down and got in line with me. I appreciate that, I mean to him. Res, non verbis. He told me his brother was coming to pick him to go to Turkey. I knew he was leaving to his home country in the winter, so I asked him:
-When are you going?
-In Turkey.
-No, when?
-I don’t know when.
-Really Muhammed? (It became very serious.) Aren’t you coming back?
-NO.
Wow!
-In Stip no index, very problem…
He had already decided. That’s why he was so happy before Linear. We got friendly, just when everything was going well between us he is leaving. One friend less…
He hugged me, I hugged him too.
-I’ll miss you – I said.
-What?
-Weren’t we here every day together, right?
-Yes.
-Now you will go and I’ll miss you.
-I’ve got to love you very much, like brother, same.
I appreciated his courage:
-I love you too.
-Whoops! – The Kumanovo guy reacted towards Muhammed, but he was quiet so he redirected the same word towards me:
-Whoops!
See why I call this scratching?
I refrained from comment too. What kind of attitude would I take towards a person who switches sides so fast?

Muhammed entered in a shop.
-Should I wait for you? – I asked him.
-Wait.
The other two were gone, I assumed he would buy fruit.
moira-cullen-design-director-at-coca-cola-talks-about-why-turner-shjkxs-clipartMuhammed went out holding two Coca Cola cans. He stretched his arm towards me.
-For me?
-Yes.
-Really Muhammed?
The only similar thing that has happened to me before from a friend was when Collins wanted to treat me ice-cream.
I had meaning to someone and I was happy for it.
-Yes.
I took it.
-Thanks a lot.
When I tried to open it, it started foaming and dripped on the street.
-Eee.
-It’s my first time. I’m from village, I’m poor.
It wasn’t my first time to drink from a can, but it was my first time in more than 10 years.

I told him I was going to practices later and asked if he knew the road to FES, he did but I continued with him anyway.

He went at Thomas and Dave, I went with him too. Then Muhammed met two Turks who stood with us. They recognised I was Macedonian immediately. He told them about his departure (no index, one of them asked me if I had) and they were very kind to me. I told Muhammed I was leaving him, but he didn’t understand me so he opened the door to call me. After the explanation, I went to walk. It’s over – I succeeded in my purpose.

Returned, Muhammed who went to toilet called me inside, but I said later. We saw each other with Munin at the door. Inside, the assistant asked me:
-You, what’s your name?
-Nick.
-What?
-Nick.
-Why were so scared on the colloquium?
-Because I hadn’t studied everything and I’m not good at B.P. and how wouldn’t I be scared.
-I see you and a girl writing and trembling.

In the same row (3rd) distanced from me sat Dave (no courage to sit next to me), Thomas, Mike and #4. Thomas asked me what did Muhammed and I do on his laptop, I said to add me on Facebook.
-I think he’ll show you some clips.
I refrained. He did show me clips, but they were exclusively for me.

Andrea called me, she said I to write her in.

Oh-là- là, it’s a sin for me. I hoped she was already signed from someone from her group. Their list reached Mike (so confirmation he is from II group) after the assistant asked if there was someone from Ist group.
-Mike! – I shouted, but he handed the list forward.
-It’s for the first group. – Thomas called.
-Anyway, to see if there’s signed… a colleague.
Let it be, this way is better.

#4 saw picture of woman in underwear thrown in a man and stretched his pants and panties. Sexual stimulation.

On the way out, Dave said to me he didn’t get anything.

My Monday after hours walk changed its pace (I’ll be short): An old man caught on me and asked me some basic questions about me. On the question why didn’t I have girlfriend, I replied because I was very shy. Then he said he had a girl looking for a boyfriend staying at his mother’s (“grandma” as he said) flat. I said “Alrighty”, and he started a sexual subject mentioning her breasts. At first I was avoiding him with “It will be”, but he was too pushy telling me she actually had a boyfriend yet needed another one for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, yet she didn’t classified herself as a bitch, so I opened himself (as he was a stranger – to which opening is easier) that I’ll wait for sex until marriage. He opposed that the need we have must be satisfied alluding that Theotokos wasn’t married in order to have God, and I didn’t manage to dissuade him. We continued our way на Stip’s esplanade as he was telling me that the girl I wasn’t gonna marry was II year textile high school from some Strumica’s village coming from a reputable family.

Sexual details alert: her “tits” were gonna become like pacifiers when she would get aroused, I should “drive” at least 10 minutes to which I said I haven’t passed for driving license, she would start moaning, she would caress it to me, I didn’t want to get naked, but he said not naked, just to descend my panties and was interested what kind of underwear I had… Wait a minute…. he was so pervertly long, that I started recording him with the phone holding it in my hand. He wanted to know if my father was a priest. I told him – sex can’t, can kissing, caressing and chat – i.e. “drooling” with his vocabulary. I agreed to lie together, but nothing more. He was sure that once I put “the head” inside her I won’t get it out. Then he doesn’t know the Christians… He didn’t believe me I didn’t masturbate, so I simply told him “Keep thinking”… Aa so he just wanted to provoke me, but I provoked him to reveal his intention smashing (растур) experiment (tnx to Sociology).

[The continuation, as well as the text until 16.11.2012 is based on notes.]

He didn’t want to understand, he asked me if I had where to sleep in Stip, then he offered the grandma. Discrimination: little Gypsies would come at the park where she was supposed to lead the game. He wanted to stay close in case someone would try to attack us. He said I wasn’t thinking about sex, which could leave an impression that I’m asexual, yet I was gay until last year. At the end we finally arranged I to meet with him and the girl next Monday in about the same place at same time we met – at 3 or some time after 3 o’clock. I asked about his name, he said it was Milo.

Wow, one way or another I got to a girlfriend. Many boys in my place would accept.

Home, I accepted Thomas’s Facebook friendship offer.

I told Sarah about my encounter and sent her the recording. She concluded that he wanted to have sex with the girl, him describing Milo as pedophile and pervert maniac and advised me not to accept sex.

Later, I became Facebook friend with Munin.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

10.11.2012, 11.11.2012

Saturday 10.11.2012

M., Sarah and her mother visited me. They explained me the Kumanovo guy Christian met his current girlfriend on their mutual holiday two years ago. He always said “Hello” to aunt Marlyn who thinks there was some chemistry between Sarah and his cousin. Sarah didn’t want to say “Hi” to Christian.

After I told about Andrea’s plan to rent a luxury apartment in Stip, it occurred to M. she meant our relative Paul’s house. M. suggested me I to stay there too if I want, but I didn’t. Why do I have to copy her? Apparently, Paul was the owner now. I got used to this way.

I read Electrotechnics without interest.

 

Sunday 11.11.2012

Sarah left.

I studied and practiced Electrotechnics.

I already missed the beginning faculty period. Our group having the it girl… “Chardak”… I wandering through the halls… The immeasurable hope… Not that it’s bad now, just… it was special.

Btw: I love this year more than last year, but it’s not interesting to me as it was in first year high school. There is time…

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Friday 09.11.2012

I left with the vulgar taxi driver George the Postman. This time… I was much less communicative.

Andrea and I sat together in the bus. It was hard for her too.

She said we were like a comedy starting from day 1: me returning to Campus 2 from the bus station, being late or not being on Math, the experiences she witnessed in the dorm: someone wanted to jump from a window, someone’s head was under a tap… She describing us as the most lost case. We left from lecture room 8 and went in lecture room 2 which resembled to a catholic church. Andrea asked me why I have 9 points. The B.P. material was very, very hard. She didn’t know more than me. She wrote programs, then checked them. We discussed fatness and pastrmajlijas. She didn’t study because the previous day was her father’s nameday.

At 14:40, we went in the hall where Harold, Dave Kushner and Dustin were. I was neglected.

In A2, there was no place for all of us. I was next to Andrea. Gulten and I greeted each other with the hands.

We moved to another amphitheater. Harold, who was near me asked: “Colleague did you study?”. I didn’t answer as I wasn’t sure if it was addressed to me. I moved to the first row asking a colleague to stand in order I to pass. #4 asked me where I would go and Mike commented “It’s not easy to you”, followed by #4’s “Nick it’s not easy to you at all”. Mike and him friends? It’s not a wonder. At all. Mike also asked me where I would go. After a while, after the assistant went out, he suggested:
-Nicky take a test. …  There’s nobody now.
-No. No.
-You changed your mind? … If you haven’t taken, they would fuck you.
-They would fuck me? – I responded knowing he wasn’t serious.

The colloquium started at 15:20. Yes, it was harder than I expected, but one task was the same as I predicted. The tasks were confusing to me. I had time but I didn’t write the ninth task for printing all the prime numbers from a to b.

Benjamin came close to me and saw my colloquium. I asked him if he had written. He just reacted with his with mouth.

Andrea asked me whether to wait for me as we had missed the bus, I didn’t know.

I saw Munin was about to leave, so I stood up and told him to wait for me.

The assistant asked me:
-Why are you so scared?
-I’m not.

I left with Munin. He wasn’t satisfied either. We joined Ergin outside. When I asked him why he cursed in Turkish, he smiled.

Munin asked if it was required to have minimum 6 points, which he doesn’t expect.

He didn’t know he had 0 points from the Maths colloquium. He added that he would sign to technical faculty. He left to wait for his father. Dave only passed. He was obviously scared of me!

I walked in the night through the dark alone. It was very different from the day signifying boredom and infinity. The night was very attractive with the lights. It reminded me of 2008. Yet Stip is better than Preevytip. I did a loong circle and explored new areas.

isar_noke

Then at 6:30 p.m. I went on the bus station.

Andrea wasn’t satisfied and told me other colleagues weren’t either. She said the tasks we solved on our way weren’t correct. She asked the colleague sitting next to her on the colloquium. He told her the questions without the tasks.

In the bus I refused to sit next to her, but we talked about the upcoming Electrotechnics colloquium.

We came home with taxi from Kiselica.

Sarah had arrived in Zlox.

I’m satisfied with me.

Unusual day, unusual week.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Thursday 08.11.2012

I entered from the back door in A.2 and said “Good morning” to the assistant. I sat in front of Muhammed. The colleague next to Reis who was in front of me wanted I to sit from the other side in order him to rewrite from Reis. I asked Muhammed if he would mind, he would, so (although someone suggested Muhammed to move too) nothing. We were requested to go out in order to be arranged in a random order. I didn’t know that there were twins.

There was theory too and one question that I didn’t know at all. I solved the exercises, but… I solved one in a different way. I mistook one question. However, it was the best so far.

We were informed that the Math results were ready.

Outside, Andrea had already left, so I went to walk. On my way for food, I saw Gulben. This time she was satisfied with Linear Algebra and was walking, waiting for her glasses to be done. Her diopter is +0.50 and it was the first time she would wear glasses. I bought myself pastry – 20 denars. She went to the square to see what was there (rifles?).

On the road to drink water I saw Gulben with a man. I wanted to touch her and scare her, but she already saw me.

I asked her if she got used to the glasses, where she was going and if she lived that way.

I saw Derek V. and said “Derek”. He asked me if I finished.

This time immediately there was taxi in Preevytip.

proba-matHome – the results were out. I knew the highest were 18.5. Owner: Muriel. Reis was fourth and I was looking for my name. I thought I was ninth, but it was Nick Nickson. I couldn’t believe that the number 9 referred to my points. But it was me: Nick Paulson – ordinal number 25. On the same level with the it girl. Emily, Vanessa and Thomas had more than me. Andrea had 5, Mike – 4, Dave – 0.5, Andie – 0.5, Munin – 0.

So what? I said goodbye from the 10. Even before the beginning I defined a purpose and it wasn’t to be with all 10s. At the end I tried but… it was the end. I didn’t study on time, I didn’t come from Mathematical A, Electro or Computer Studies high school… What did I want? … Although from number one I went down to 25 (I’m not alone – number 2 (Monique) was 37), yet I started with success, I’m already succeeding in my designated purpose, and having better results from more than 80% from the students is not for rejection. Grandma assumed what I looked on the computer were the results. She said to tell her, that she wouldn’t tell anybody, but she told dad. Even if I personally say “I don’t trust you”, she’ll betray me again. I avoided telling my dad. When he saw the results were opened, he kept saying “Go down”. I didn’t show him not because I was weak, but because he’d talk and he doesn’t believe enough in me – “Go down”. He whispered to mum.

I later told her, she told dad. He said he started with a 6 and that every begging is hard. I don’t care what they think, as long as spirituality is on a high level to me…

In the Facebook group Nelson I asked if we wanted reparatory colloquium calling us “little humans”. What an attitude! He later deleted it as he saw the professor doesn’t give reparatory.

Andrea and I arranged to go at 9:30 the next day as the colloquium started at 15:00.

I studied B.P..

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday 07.11.2012

Studying and writing the L.A. homework.

I was nervous after hearing that M. was coming: “What is he doing here?” – I asked mum. I have neglected my diary and had no notebook for the homework.

He went in the other room.

I stopped on the 10th exercise as I couldn’t solve it the second way. Andrea called me and asked what kind of exercises the colloquium would have. She was sick. I changed my opinion about her again. She was vulgar on the phone (“And dick.”) Too much profane life. It was the real me but I was distanced.

She called again and suggested to get the exercises I didn’t have from Nelson I and send them to me, and I to take pictures of mines for those that I had, but she didn’t. OK. She came, we did it.

Finally Andrea added me in the Facebook group as I asked her. It was very interesting.

I was in bed after 1:30, but I felt that I have learnt.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment