Tuesday 18.12.2012

I dreamt I met Boki 13 in Zlox. We hugged, Muriel’s mother took a photo of us before she entered.

Math colloquium.

I went early with taxi to Preevytip. At the bus station Andrea came next to me and told me she didn’t sleep at all. In the bus we sat together.

In Stip she went to Alison’s company and I stood around them, but not with them. Pete didn’t look at me when I wanted to salute him.

Inside I sat in the 2nd column, the Berovo guy sitting in front of me said to me “To tell”, I replied “Wait, I’m listening now”.

The tasks seemed easy, but I got stuck at the first one – graphic. The others were solvable to me. I wanted ask the assistant looking at her and the second or third time I called her, she left telling the time remaining (20 mins) saying “No more showing.” OK. Nicki has other ways – the task had no stationary points.

Handing in my colloquium, I told the assistant my insecurity, to which she said “OK Nick. You’ve drawn it, don’t worry”. Outside I headed in the 2nd floor hall for a signature from the professor. I saw Steven who asked me if I was fine.

Upstairs Thomas asked me if I had written. I went at the circle with Andrea. Mike and I touched our fists. In the office the professor indicated I didn’t have the text about the subject in the index and that I should’ve asked politely. Andrea was behind, but… He said “Tell him, he’s poor”. First read my book, then say I’m poor.

In the hall she was waiting for me. What? Downstairs (not to say the ass-licking) the lonely Alison joined us. I was with 2 girls and I didn’t like it. I didn’t have balance. Andrea asked where to go. It was raining. They decided to go to buy food near the faculty, but I planned to eat in “Balkan Lux”. Andrea said to me:
-Open the umbrella.
What? She changed my plan and dares to order me? OK, I’ve got a plan B.
-I won’t go. – I was firm.
-Why? If you don’t have any money I’ll lend you. – She suggested.
-It’s not because of that.
No Andrea, I’m not going to allow you that pleasure to sin with you.
-You go. What are you to me?
I even quietly said “Girl”.
I went upstairs, not caring about their whereabouts. Like on Mondays, I sat in front of lecture room 10. Much later, downstairs, I saw Muhammed. He asked me what I was doing, I asked him too, he was waiting for Reis. He called me to come to his place. Reis came and left without talking to me. Muhammed met a female friend of his. I asked her about her name – Emel.

I was bored, so I told Muhammed:
-Tomorrow’s my birthday.
-When? – He got interested.
-I’ll come.
-What’s there gonna be? Cake? Music? – He asked me.

Outside I told him:
-There would be others.
-No problem.
-You made me cheerful.
I told him I was from Zlox. Under my umbrella he called a taxi driver who told him it would cost him 700 denars to come. In the hall I saw he had some papers with Turkish and Macedonian words. I said he should teach me Turkish. Andrea arrived and she took the papers. Muhammed called someone and told me to tell my address. “Zlox” – As I was speaking she wanted to hear, but she couldn’t. To her curiosity Muhammed responded:
-He’ll be Turkish son-in-law. – Connecting me with Emel as if she was on the phone.
Andrea inquired if the girl was dark, I confirmed. I smiled to the other side.
-Are you police? – Muhammed said.
-Are you police? – I asked after him.
She didn’t like that I repeated him.
Mademoiselle, if I start with the style of the evil me, I won’t classify you as a human. Be happy for this.
-I’ll tell you later. – I said.
-Tell me now. – She wanted to know.

Muhammed wanted to smoke and called me to go outside, I accepted. There I asked him if I should invite Andrea, he approved via translation. Inside Andrea said to me:
-You go with him and with me you don’t wanna hang out. OK.
I told her she gossips a lot, she responded “Well what else should I do?”. She has revealed me she knew that I had kicked Muriel as Muriel shared it in front of some colleagues and that apparently I later apologized on Facebook. Hahaha, I even support my decision.

After Muhammed met a friend of his, Andrea went after him. What was it: She went (to scratch) to Derek V.. They passed together. I have seen the real faces of both of them. They are similar. Except that for Derek I meant respect, while she confided me he didn’t want to speak with her.

Muhammed left, it was cold to him.

Let it be. She lives in the moment. She just wants to revenge me. But I was happy looking at the sky.

They got lost, I went on the waiting area and they weren’t there. I saw them from the opposite side, then Andrea came from my right, Derek stood on my left. They LITERARY ALWAYS come back to me. Andrea said to Derek:
-We should’ve stayed.
Derek V. asked me what I would leave with.

Since the hall I have developed a fake scenario in my head:
Andrea: Why don’t you wanna hang out?
Me: Why have you been gossiping me?
Andrea: I haven’t.
Me: If I don’t hear it, it doesn’t mean I won’t find out.
Though if we play by your rules, you owe me.
Andrea: Well you said you don’t wanna hang out. (Tag: last year)
Me: Because you’re a girl!

Back to reality I was sincere:
-Andrea you want me to tell you why didn’t I come with you? … ‘Cos you gossip me.
-You know better.
-I didn’t gossip you.
-They spoke.
I revealed her that the thing with Muhammed is that he would come on my birthday. I invited her to come in the evening if she wants. She didn’t believe he was serious.

In Preevytip I wanted spirituality and as a pre-birthday gift I saw Stacey. John asked me where I was coming from.

Home I saw a neighbouring house had fallen down.

I wrote on Ni:
“I feel sorry for those that even after two decades of their existence, still can’t realise that it’s the quality that matters, not the quantity. What kind of impoliteness and insolence is that they to represent me in the worst light, and in my presence to act friendship and goodness? I understand that all that is just a cheap fantasy for revenge, even the little kids are better than you! Well you have underestimated me if you think that I believe in your lies. Hahaha, for everything that I do I have a worthy reason, and I would exactly like to see how you would justify your deceptions, but I tolerate you anyway.
Specifically, Andrea, I’ve seen your real face a long time ago, you can only think that you will change something with the hypocrisy. You want to have everything, but in the end you will be left without a soul. Anyway, it’s not a problem for me, those who don’t know you should be careful, I’m certain that someday you will replace them with some others.
Just don’t you venture order me once more, because…
…YOU ALWAYS COME BACK TO ME, you lost soul.”

About the next day I just told mum I called Andrea and that someone else wants to come.

About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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