Friday 14.09.2012

I finally felt that the summer had ended. Fewer people were going to the market, it was cold and it was raining. And since it was raining at 2 o’clock as well, I didn’t refuse the possibility that the “mines” would ask me for an umbrella. Last times are the best times? It was raining the last time I arrived to Zlox with that bus. The kids from the primary school noticed me, it was the turn to the “mines”. It didn’t happen. They rushed, didn’t even see me.

Vince asked mum what I signed to. He tried to guess first. He said Economy in Skopje. Mum corrected him.
Vince has already been answered that question before, even though it was wrong. He didn’t care. Like from every next and next situation, I get confirmation that that I was right about the people I chose and right about the people I didn’t.

Gossip news: Andrea wasn’t satisfied by the conditions of the student’s dorm in Stip, her mother told mum.

-font-b-Tweezerman-b-font-Professional-Stainless-Steel-Eyebrow-Tweezerette-Tweezer-Slant-TipI had a chance to use grandma’s tweezers and I did it. After my standard hair removal, I was determined to take a more radical change, increasing the distance between my eyebrows. I asked mum for help, but she decided to sleep. While I was doing the planned thing, I thought that it wasn’t a sin. Facebook is my source that Neil does it, Dave does it, Andy did it even on a lesson, why would I e different? Besides, Mary and Irene recommended it to me. I wanted the people to notice the change, but I went too far with my fantasy turning into reality and I would certainly do more if mum’s phone didn’t interrupt me. Mum was amazed after she saw me and scolded me. I said that they won’t know me on faculty, but she opined they’ll notice.
-What is this, from this side to half an eye, from the other one…
She interrupted herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. I realised I did a terrible mistake. Why did I do it? I knew I had to make them smaller, but I made smaller the length, not the width. What else could an amateur do? The plus side: I had two and a half days ‘till the faculty beginning. At least I didn’t do it on Sunday and mum was consoling me that they grow up in a day or two. Honestly I hoped on 25% improvement until Monday. It was something that I was curious to try long time ago, but now I was ashamed of it. Ducky didn’t tweezed himself and that didn’t stop him from being happy. Why was I naïve?

I was on the Internet when a message from Barbara arrived to my phone. At 18:43 she wanted I to tell her my decision on either she to send Georgia, either I to come at her place and bring my USB she to copy songs, wallpapers and games “…write to me to know”. Mum didn’t allow me I to give her my USB and I wanted to text it to Barbara, but mum decided we to go to take my glasses that were at Lilly, Darryl’s mother on repair as I broke the frame the previous day at grandma’s due to grandma’s and Michael’s boring sayings and questions.

Within five minutes mum and I were already on the road. Mum later realised that I’ve already had files prepared for Barbara on my USB and she said I didn’t explain her well. Well, like I told her: It’s my USB, she bought it for me. She agreed to tell the same things she said to me to Barbara. Anyway, my glasses weren’t repaired. Lilly suggested mum to bring my glasses to Kyle the watchman.

I decided to wait for her outside his yard. But… there weren’t even 30 seconds, and a guy on a bike was targeting the house.
-Fuck. – I whispered.
Was it Derek, Kyle’s son, Brian’s friend, the one I see in the church?
In the dark, I couldn’t define him by his contour, but the short hair matched. He entered through the yard. Kyle addressed him with “Derry”. It was him.

Before she left she called the watchman uncle Kyle after he came to switch the light on. On our way back, I asked mum why she called him “uncle Kyle”.
-Aren’t you ashamed?
-Why to be ashamed? How should I call him? He had a son.
-Well, a son of my age.
-Well… they didn’t have children many years. They adopted one.
-Is he adopted?
-He is adopted.
Adopted? I knew him for many years, but didn’t know that. Anyway, it doesn’t make any difference, he has a great personality.

Mum teased that maybe on Monday I’ll return from Stip with the bus at 15 to 12.

At grandma’s grandma told mum to tell Andrea to call me for food. Mum later revealed them that Liza called me to go on holiday with her. “Why didn’t you go?” – M. asked. I said “I won’t tell you”. Grandma:
-Why?
-‘Cos if I tell you it won’t be sincere.
-What? –Mum appeared.
-‘Cos if he told us… – Grandma repeated me.
-Why are you abusing me? – I asked. -You’ll never know why.
-I know why. – M. was guessing.
-Know. –It’s not what he thought. He later told me he thought it was because I would have been shy to go to toilet. Not true. Like I said, I was illusioned, but I know my parents would hardly afford it + “I won’t let him with Liza” The rest are just versions. And obviously I didn’t care much about them to know the right truth. And I really wanted to go, even though it was with a female I consoled myself with the thought “If it’s the fake me, let it be fake ‘til the end”, but after seeing that mum wasn’t serious… neither was I.

That evening grandma was whispering M. (behind my back, of course) not to yell ‘cos otherwise I wouldn’t come anymore. And then like she endeared to me “Honey say to prepare a pastry for you tomorrow? Now how do people like this can request respect from me? Isn’t it ass licking?

In the evening I posted on Ni Ck:

Oh, boring people! DON’T get involved in my life! Where to hide from you anymore? Even if one hundred endings happens, for you there isn’t an end! It seems to me that you won’t leave me even after my death! Don’t create problems to me and my family. Anyway, thank you for the experience that now I am aware that I will NEVER have a high opinion for such like you. Try to get me nervous again, then you will see what will happen to you. Or for that you can’t dare? Greeting and spend your time with other people, and meanwhile I’ll do everything in order to avoid you further!!!

How come every time I change my opinion about Barbara, I change it back?

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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