Originally, I was planning to stop writing daily reports during the summer following June. But it wasn’t as relaxing as I expected. There were events. Here’s my important happenings for the first seven days of the year’s seventh month deriving from notes back then:



I, dad and grandad went on the river with the tractor. Actually I was shy to go where the kids were, so we sat in a meadow instead.

On the returning, I saw A. B. and Derr.



That night I was sleeping at grandma’s. From the window I saw Al. When he saw me, I stepped back, but I dared not to hide from him. I kept looking him, he was looking at me too. No words.



Sunbathing near the river while grandad was fishing. Enjoying.



M. returned from Budva. I went at his place. As a reason for his coming back he stated the disability to get a work permit, although I hardly believed it. On his first shift the guests ordered risotto with seafood, Caesar salad and fruit. He didn’t know to cook it so the waiter saved him and served the guests sth different. According to the notes he told me he worked for 3 days.


Revisiting this subject, he clearly lied to me. How can he not get a work permit when he got the job through an agency? The permit cost 50 euro, who was he trying to lie?

Some people feel much relieved when they transfer their own mistakes to others. Info plus: He cried after he was fired.

We spoke to mum and the doctor spoke to me that I should eat, that she would measure me, that she would come if I didn’t want to. I opposed her. M. said that he would come at our place the next day to write a mail to the agency for the transport money. I said:
-I have two things to tell you. The first one is that I have a movie…
-OK, turn it on.
-… and the second is that I don’t have Internet. We turned it off, like last summer. To get rest a little.
-You do everything upside down.
He reacted negatively, as expected.

Mum told me Sarah will write email to Mary, the agency employée.



The late afternoon, M. came at our house for his email. He learned that Sarah was in town, so he said:
-Why wait for Sarah until tonight when it can now?
Well if it wasn’t for Sarah, you could wait almost two months! M. didn’t believe I didn’t have Internet. He wanted to assure himself, so he connected the disconnected cables from the router. He wanted my help, but I gave up. One wire was at correct hole, he misplaced the other, but the three flashes showed I have Internet.
-There is. – I said.
I didn’t even want to think what would happen if the planned two months were filled. What could I do? I tried to open a webpage and luckily I saw a never-before seen connection error. M. commented: “You? Eh how much this gets on my nerves.” I was grateful to God. Mum composed him text that Sarah was about to email it.

After he left, I connected the wronged wire properly and… Internet there it was. What about the rule “Use what God gave you”? Was it a sin?



That Friday, around 11:30 three kids were waiting opposite my house for transport to Preevytip to receive their diploma for a mastered degree in English course. One of them was the girl I suspected she’s Ducky’s cousin.
An older man stopped to chat with her. This is what I heard:
-How is David?
A very significant moment for me. Finally, ever since I knew him, I heard his real name. From astonishment, I removed the curtain in front of me.
-Ducky? – she looked up towards me.
-You call him Ducky? – Obviously he didn’t know them so well.
-What is Lester doing?
-Nothing, he’s staying at home. He brought a cousin from Veles at home, he’s staying with him.
Why the man asked about them? Are they three children?
-Does your mum work?
-No. She does, but she’s on holidays.
Was she Ducky’s mother too? The acquaintance left.
The kids wanted a cheap taxi and as I remember they went downtown.

It was clearer to me why they always called him “Ducky” – not to confuse him with Dave. I needed that much time to realize it?



St. Ethan’s day – I won’t congratulate, I’ll just mention: The name ETHAN for me has at least double less meaning now than last year this time.

I and grandad went fishing.

While I, mum and probably dad and grandad were walking, we learnt from Beatrice that Mary was celebrating her prom that evening in Zloxery. Why wasn’t I invited?

In the evening, I, mum and M. went out. Surprisingly a voice called me:
-Nick. Oh, since when I haven’t seen you.
It was Brenda. She came out the dark where Sarah (ex-classmate) and another girl were and she kissed me. I was asked about the faculty, I was undecided. Mum took over asking her if she came for Mary’s prom. Affirmative. Why not me?

While we were sitting in front of the square with M.’s friend Pandy, Mary’s boyfriend’s sister passed along with her boyfriend. The boyfriend too? Pandy wondered why Melanie Collins (a relative of his), a “good” friend of Mary wasn’t called.
Let it be. At least Melanie and I will know.

On the way home my neighbor Seth confirmed mum his parents went on Mary’s party. She told me they and Mary’s parents were friends. Even my neighbours! Strangers, not me. Is that how Mary was all the time?



In the evening, dad entered in my room and violently wanted to force me to go out. The week that he gave me must have passed. He hit me, I dared to say:
-You believe in God (he stop holding me so tight), you read the Bible, don’t you know you can’t do anything to me? You can only hurt my body, not my soul.
The holy words were meaningless to him.
-Will you go?
-Only God can force me.
He hit me two more times.
Then he left. I later regretted for saying it. Why did I open to him? Was I so much afraid from beating?

Revisiting this, I should have respected the Holy Bible’s rule “Listen more than you speak” and let both God and I see his maximum, but I was good, something that from the present aspect didn’t deserve. It’s incredible how people obey theirselves more than God. They are slaves to their needs and if they belong to a religion, then it certainly isn’t a monotheistic one. Devoted to selfishness, materialism and corporeality, like there isn’t spirituality in them at all. And why am I trying, God always finishes His job.


About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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