02.09.2012, 03.09.2012

02.09.2012

I didn’t tell M. why I don’t watch porn. He and grandma were convincing me I to sleep at their place again this month, I didn’t want to give promise.

Mum notified the NNB’s psychologist told her the students from the “new primary school” will be in class with those from Zlox in first year. Interesting.

 

03.09.2012

The first school day for the pupils.

I was awaken by a heterosexual dream some time before 8 o’clock. I was planning to see the school bus, but the emptied battery didn’t allow the phone alarm to function.

I missed the school a lot. I decided not to tell my parents my daily report about what happened to me on the faculty when I start. I guess it was because I didn’t want them to know (at least not from me) about my improvement. Maybe that was what I have been doing all this time – I secretly wanted, but very selectively showed the real me outside because no one has ever hurt me as they did. They made me hate myself, I don’t even want to think what’s the punishment for that. With my shyness, I probably wanted them to be ashamed of me, considering me as their worst creation. They didn’t trust in me, after all, how do they expect I to trust them?

At 10 to 11 a.m., I appeared at the window to see who was talking. Those were the “mines”. They saw me too, Stanley waved me, I waved him back. I was so happy. I was spiritually thankful to God because of my sexuality change. Happiness is a spiritual thing. It’s even greater when there is a spiritual source. How much do you appreciate the happiness?

At 11:29, Sarah called me to notify me about her first high school day:  There were only 2 gymnasium classes, led by Zack and Greg as head teachers, having 28 and 24 students respectively. Sarah belongs at I-4. She sat in third desk with her friends. Unfortunately, Lester wasn’t at her class meaning he’s not studying gymnasium. They had 4 lessons – 2 from Greg, Sport and English. She chose handball as her sport. They were late on English and Sarah told Molly they though it’s not rang. She was satisfied with her school day and I’m happy she’ll have friends from Zlox.

After mum arrived from work, Mary (colleague) called her. She took the phone in the other room and cried I heard that somebody – the doctor (m.) yelled in the office. It was probably because of an overdue salary. She mentioned Liza and some colleague of her crying. She checked what I was doing, I didn’t ask her for the reason she cried.

Lots of time she listened to herself, not God. Now God is leaving to her to handle herself. I consider she deserved it.

Andie told her the C. S. faculty was moved.

Mum told me the doctor asked her if I’d go on holiday with Liza. She said no, so Liza decided to go to Greece only for a weekend joining some friends of her.

On Facebook Dave shared a status: “First day the best at school”, to which Al commented “He stared?” and Dave’s response was “Haha yess.” I assumed it was about me.

Sarah told me that the machinery and the geological direction were merged in one class. News, news.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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