31.08.2012

The day I went with mum in Stip to pay for my faculty. The total sum was 11.510. Of course, mum had the main role when it comes to communication. After I filled the application, mum and I went to deliver it to a female and a male charged for the section “Computer science”. While I was filling the blanks the girl said:
-Nick is first on our list.
-Yes, – mum confirmed – until now all the time he was good, well further we’ll see how it goes.
Very discouraging. Like she reconciled with that that I won’t be “good”. Let it be. We saw Andie again.

We went to look for mobile phones. Mum suggested to order the mobile phone we choose, and I to take it when I start to faculty with Andrea. I didn’t accept:
-With Andrea? I expected this from everyone… OK not from everyone (not from Sarah), but from you I wasn’t expecting it.
-Why? Because with Andrea?
No further explanation. I thought mum figured out about my wish to hang out with boys. One of my primary reasons for signing to faculty was my socialization with males. Another 4 years of subconscious torturing? People who really care about me certainly wouldn’t like to see me cry like I did for the last school year. I don’t understand, how come mum can hide her tweezers from me and not want to buy me new ones in order not be like female but from another side encourages me to hang out with girls? If so why I don’t start dressing like a girl in order the feeling to be complete? Does that mean that my dreams about my wedding and having children are over if I go that way? But I won’t spend my time thinking about it anymore. I’m determined to make it with the real me and I won’t allow anyone (of course except God, but He supports me) stand on my way.

Then we went at the shopping center. Mum told me it was a non-fast Friday, so I ate a sausage sandwich and she bought me Milka, something that I haven’t had eaten in years.

On my eye check, the charged one determined my diopter has changed – R> -2.50 -2.75 L> -3.25 -1.75.

The bus starting at 11:45 had Preevytip as his last destination. We got off at a time of the day when I usually waited during my last school period. The bearded and long haired man that usually passed, even after he passed me – he turned around probably to see me. Brandon – the guy who I used to sit with in 8th grade from Dreveno and I saw each other, but didn’t say a thing.

I was mostly on my computer at home.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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