Monday 06.08.2012

Newsflash! Barbara works at “Linea” (confection). Mum saw her waiting with the women.

On the twilight while mum and I were returning from grandma’s, Al was walking in front of us with his friends, one of which Eli. Mum was rushing, so we passed them. Eli told her “Hello”. I expected sth from Al. They sat near my house. He disappointed me. Why do others abuse my goodness? Those who know the real me well, know that I can be evil too. A lot. But this is the right way.

Looking through the window, it became clear to me that I didn’t make a mistake when choosing people: Al shouted towards me: “Мееh”. Love him.

In the evening, while I, mum and M. were sitting on the square, they talked about Facebook and M. said:
-We we can’t see, Nick turned off the Internet.
-Well it’s better to me this way, to get rest.
-Eh it’s better to you, but are the only one that has use?
-Let it, let him rest a little more. – mum said.
-Are you the only one that has use? I had use too.
I replied:
-As a friend of yours said, “Pay”.
-What?
Yes.
-As a friend of yours, was it Benjamin, said “Pay”.
Mum saved the situation:
-He should pay to have on the phone.
He previously claimed that he didn’t have Facebook access on his phone for the last 3 days.

The truth is I have Internet, but I’m not using it on order to distance from the possible addiction. Sarah knows, but keeps it for herself.

Later M. assumed I follow sb, ‘cause I look through the windows so much.
-I follow a lot of people. –The intelligent me said.
He thought of some girl as he used to follow his Doris and Liza the Baggy.

Before I went to bed I read some chapters from my last summer’s diary. Although the time period is only one year, I see a significant difference between that Nick and this Nick. I was very, very sensible, analysing everything that came in touch with me. Couldn’t I just not care about some things? How did I imagine my future like? When, or was I ever going to turn those dreams into practice?

I was very obsessed with the Devil, creating a perfect person in which I could find everything desirable that I couldn’t have. Why? The features were transferred in Ethan taking me almost a semester and I finally found the real ones – them – the “mines”. I never regretted for them as they “discovered” me first. I didn’t manage my purpose – we didn’t become friends, but we certainly are acquaintances.

I’m much more patient than I was two years ago.

My sexuality was changed by both nature and intensity. I found my biggest problem – the old, fake me that steadily vanishes from my pure soul.

Now I know what I want, I’m much more confident in my decisions and of course, I gained great experience.

My diary had a big role in clearing my thoughts by analysing the people and the situations. It wouldn’t have been nothing without God. The religion has helped me a lot in finding my spiritual peace. My soul is truly happier, even though I smile less (those were generally shy smiles).

I put the spiritual pleasures on the top at the ocean Happiness of my life. – My soul was filled with joy more with mines than while I was in Italy.

Best things in life are definitely free, you just need to know how to value them.

Deeds have tremendously larger significance to me than the words now.

In the third year I was confessing mum I lived the worst life of all of my classmates. Last year I had this kind of understanding about my life: “It is bad, but it could be worse”, then I was led by “It’s good and it might be better”, now I enjoy in my newly found spiritual peace and no matter what they say it feels great and I can just imagine what will I feel like after the real me explodes, so that I can share it with others.

Just for the record, I continued and I still see the Devil passing sometimes and I look at him thoroughly when I have a chance, but the feeling it’s much different than the last summer’s. I have forgotten many things about having absolutely no regrets.

Nevertheless, touched by an angel, I have not only learnt to love myself, I love all people even those who hate me.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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