Someone (I guess Francis) said that “even if someone wanted, they wouldn’t choose us this way”.
17 girls, 6 boys, all different in effort to finish high school. 2 of them didn’t make it.
Four years are enough about creating an opinion about someone based on their behavior with me and with others.
I divided my opinions about them into four categories:

Negative: There isn’t a strongly negative section because it would mean I hate them. Negative opinion means I’ll remember them negatively with bad sides that’re over the positive or neutral ones.

Balanced: It doesn’t mean it is neutral or unformed, it means those persons have both plus and minus sides, but neither one of them doesn’t prevail enough to be classified at the matching category.

Positive: The golden rule “Treat people as you want to be treated” is valid for this category. All of them had tried smhow to help me and I don’t ignore it, specially if it was sincerely and I am thankful for it. They have also been highly evaluated by the others. Key feature: Unselfishness.

-EXTRA POSITIVE: Those shine the most. They have many outstanding features and didn’t fear to show ‘em to me. Their position here is totally deserved as they were not reserved to discuss with me many problems that others would usually gossip behind my back. They accepted me more than the others, something that I needed very much. That’s why, besides their good souls. I love them so much.

Next are the analysis for each one of them belonging in the Balanced group and who were put in-between categories:
2. Virginia (Balanced – Positive): She knew to speak about me behind my back in the negative context. If she continued to behave like the previous year, if there was another year, she’d probably reached the positive column. Also she’s the only one girl in the class besides the newly arrived Cassandra who showed no interest of befriending me.
3. Derek V. (Balanced): Because of his instability. Just like his duplicity in football, I saw he showed his inconsistency in the real life. He tried to be my friend at the first semester of the last school year, but his “blah, blah, blah” about me (Tags: Missed event; Locker’s room) made me feel no regret for his lost interest in me. After the prom I realised his behavior was worse than a kid in garden. He is capable of doing everything just to belong somewhere.
5. Elaine (Balanced): Her comings at my place, her tries to help me just to get closer to me and her other indications on “me; my; mine; myself” screamed only one thing: selfishness! Yet, I consider her to have a better personality than Barbara. Btw: she gets me nervous since the first year (time when thought to report her for underage smoking).
6. Andrea (Between Positive and Extra Positive): Close to me, open, sincere, helpful… but not in every moment. She’s the one who told me she hates me.
8. Irene (Between Positive and Extra Positive): Originally supposed to stand in the extra positive category, but I decided not to, after she abruptly entered in the professors office on enlisting for the matura. She was close to me, being open on subjects others usually weren’t.
13. Francis (Balanced – Positive): Good-souled but… a gossiper. Tags: To Irene: Will you be like…; when she asked the Sport professor why do I have better grade than hers. Who loses, gets angry.
Helpful, but only seemingly strong as she refused to be a president of the class. She whines a lot.

16. Ethan (Balanced): One year ago he’d probably ended up the highest rated, but as they say “Love is blind”. He seemed to have been maintaining friendly contacts with majority of the class, I’d say with those “normal” ones, that confirms my hypothesis to be friends with ‘em only for his ambition to be have higher position. How selfish! Just as Tiffany said once: “Hey Ethan, you got outgoing but you remembered late” on the most possible transparent way.
Denise deserves an honorable mention for her transition to positive. Despite the many disputes of ours, she eventually saw my goodness and gave me a chance to be good with me. Hope she doesn’t regret it as now her opinion sort of has meaning to me.
21. Sarah (Positive – Extra Positive) She came up with a lot of understandment and acceptance when it comes to me and helped me a lot of times. I really appreciate her sincereness about the good and the bad things, but I won’t be wrong if I say that she had some personal background plans especially when she commented “Just by looking at him you’ll get crazy” to Ashley. I’m sure she was the one who has gossiped my past to Brenda in the first year. A positive opinion with lots of reserves, some things make me think she should be rated few stairs back.
22. Barbara (Balanced – Positive): The most flexible one in the categories. My best friend as child, a “villain” at the start of the second year, then an insecure friend (Tag: “Like he’ll let you” to Elaine) … We ARE friends and I’d put her in the positive category if she didn’t even thought to use me for Internet (Tag: the sincere smile). I appreciate her sincereness, but obviously it’s not enough for seeing the real me.
23. Diana (Balanced – Positive): In the first year I considered her to be on a very high level, in second I strongly believed she’s very intelligent although her grades didn’t match with it, now I only think she just tries to be that intelligent. I’ll remember her by the libel she told my classmates after the Adele Allan quiz. She was not aware of my power and most definitely doesn’t deserve the real me, but what she does deserve is the wrath of God. I was planning to expose the negativities of her in an article of mine as the other people didn’t understand my “I don’t care about you” behavior as not worth enough, but as being powerless, but I never got to do it, partially from lack of time, partially from religious reasons. And the content… just at the beginning I was planning to write about the black magic to her family – “she was never intended to be born and having parents like that…”, but now I know that only God is able to give the most deserved punishment on the most deserved way. People are powerless to do it. Only One can judge! Yet, other than that and her hidden vulnerability, she seems to be very positive and practical.

To the table will join the students from now ex-4-1 who were 2 years part of our class.
Opinions pt 2

All of them with their great personalities won the highest rank. I was hesitating about Mary N. who seemed to lose the interest in me drastically in the third year, but I admit some of it was my fault. Nevertheless, if I wrote this article during the first and second year she’d be reigned with the top of the tops.

From the other classes I have extra positive opinions about Monique and Dustin. No comment needed. Ashley N. would have been qualified in this group if it wasn’t for her inappropriate comment in the bus back from Italy. An artificial daughter with supersonic parents.

Of course dependable by this rating the people mean differently to me. I would be delighted to someone from the extra positives, satisfied to see the positive ones and uncomfortabled from the sight of negative and balanced ones. AVOID. AVOID.

And my opinion about me…:

14. Nick Paulson (Balanced – Positive): I’m greatly satisfied with my grades, but generally disappointed with my behavior, that could absolutely have been way better. But as I say “Everything has a plus side”. In this case it was collecting experience for my future life. I kept myself. I intentionally wanted to look less capable in the eyes of the others as for them not to be aware of the values of the real me. Lots of them hated me and saw me as the class’s enemy, but eventually started to accept me whether for the sincereness, whether for the school help, maybe for both and in front of some of them I non-doubtedly SHOWED the real me.
It could have been better, but also much worse. The moral is that now I’m ready for the real me: positive, firm, open.
I imagine the real me standing with right persons having real values.
Time for getting into reality… Soon…


About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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