27.06.2012 – 30.06.2012

Wednesday 27.06.2012

After M. kissed me for goodbye and went “downtown”, grandma Debra told me he cried.


Thursday 28.06.2012

A big discussion in the evening hours with my parents about the need of me hanging out.

Dad said he gives me one week time to rest and then he expects I to go out (if not violently). I told mum I have a plan to release myself in Stip, because it wasn’t worth to do it now, having waited a year after I seriously realised my need to hang out, but she said it’s better gradually and harder from once, however I opposed her I want to do that and then my now potential plans from Zlox realise my abilities they to approach me first. I repressed my soul for something bigger, and not to be patient for 2 and a half more months? I had many chances in the bus, and this is supposed to be prolific period? Bullshit.

To reduce his tension mum told dad I will go out (with Sammy) when I go to Preevytip with aunt Tricia. His response was:
-What, he will stuck on the computer there too.
Fact: Not knowing me.
Argument 1: I make a serious difference between sth that is mine and sth strange. Last time I logged into their computer, it took them big efforts to convince me.
Argument 2: Last summer I spend 2 months without Internet.

Is it worth to explain him? Then I confided to mum that I’ve already made the first step (as addition to dad’s “You have to make the first step”) referring to my after Skopje ride, but didn’t tell her how. Reasonably thinking – it works – the friend was ready to lend me an erotic book. I wanted to say I’d be easier accepted among people who understand me equally as them. I need a new environment – just like M.N. confirmed me in first year.

In the end – no solution established – I do as I want – they (he, actually) don’t understand me. Any idea?


Friday – 29.06 2012

Home, online preparing for my following internet pause.

Late at the day, mum and I along with grandma went to her garden. I saw A.B looking at me. Ducky and Dave are “the mines” I haven’t seen since the end of the school year.


Saturday – 30.06 2012

Last day in the month and I’m planning to be the last day this summer I write a typical journal.

Mostly I spent the time online downloading materials I’d miss from tomorrow.

We had guest aunt Tricia and during her sending off I was uncomfortable that people were seeing me surrounded by women.

Like I said, I’m not planning to write my days in this form, but more like last summer’s form (sort of columns).  Hoped you had a nice time excitingly reading the little and those not-so-little events from my diary life. I’m sorry I missed some days but I know you got the gist. Once again, thank God for everything and thank you for reading. LOVE U.


About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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