07.06.2012, 08.06.2012

Thursday 07.06.2012

-Fag! Fag! Pussy! Fag!
-What’s his name?
-Nick. … He walks like this.
He imitated me hunchbacked with lowered head and bent knees.

It was George, Barbara’s little brother, calling me names and explaining me (as he knows it) to sb called Petard while I was hiding behind the curtain. I still remained happy having seen Al when going home from school. Grandma said I was proud, but I was just happy for being sth – a human in the eyes of the others. Like I told her “He is just a kid”. Only One has the decency to judge me. I later told grandma that I act like it (like gay) and in society like that it is reduced to normal for the people having stereotypes like this.

In the afternoon in the taxi, Darryl who sat next to me didn’t ask me why didn’t I come to his prom.

In Preevytip, we saw the bus waiting:
-Darryl: There’s the bus. Come on get in, it’s gonna leave.
Mary: It’s waiting for us.

Outdoor, I continued being the fake me bending my head down and looking on the other side when walking next to Darryl. He used Ashley to fill his walking time. To my surprise while I was waiting in front of the school, Mel said:
-Hey Mel. – I replied. She cheered me up.

rodeni_new - CopyWe were supposed to take over documents (the report cards and the birth certificate) from Vince in the office.

Tiffany offered me and Sarah to go. Inside, Sarah was first and while I was waiting for Vince’s directions, more and more students gathered inside. Ashley couldn’t obtain the documents as she hadn’t paid a second installment to Kocho, so she went to take money.

Negative energy: Darryl and Ethan went to “5” to buy themselves food. My logical assumption: If there wasn’t Ethan, Darryl wouldn’t have even though of food!

-Please go out! Come later.
Vince ordered.
We all went out but normally Sarah and the disobedient Tiffany.

In the hall Irene told me I wasn’t cheerful.
-I’m not. There’s negative energy.
We stood up distanced and my opinion about her was higher before this, but after the next reckless action of hers, it became even lower: After several students entered through the door of the office, Irene quickly stepped inside by herself (not saying anything to me). Let them freely open and close that door, it’s a question if the heaven’s door would be opened to them.
The students continued their line of entering disrespecting Vince’s decision. When the rules aren’t respected, then both, the process and the people involved in it lower my criteria about them (and I believe God’s too!).

Mary (who finished her job first) came to me and asked me about the matura.
After two trespassing groups, my patience was over. I interrupted her:
-Everyone took my turn. …
-Let us enter too.
I mean why the others could go inside, but not me? She was a very true friend of mine despite being not so close.

She helped me with my documents and filling the application. While doing it Ashley entered and complained:
-It was supposed to be my turn. I came early, since when I’ve been waiting.
Aah you were the indebted one. We should have shown compassion over you.

Miranda was there and taking the fact that we have become very close recently I decided to make a contact with her.
I looked at (her best friend) Francis who smiled to me, but I didn’t show any mouth sign to her, simply shifted my head to Miranda. The immersed Miranda got up and:
-Miranda, we haven’t seen each other. – I said.
She came next to me.
-Did you use the ticket?
-I didn’t.
-Do you study for matura?
-I do.  I fear English.
-Since when did you start to study?
-I started from two weeks ago.
-Well OK.
-But in my group there are Naomi…
-They will show you.
See? I know to appreciate friendship. Only if it’s real.
Then I helped Miranda in the documents as Mary helped me.

I told Sarah I’m staying in Preevytip and went out with Tiffany.

On the way to the police station with mum, we saw Derek Veach.
-He’s looking at you, say “Hi” to him”. – mum suggested me.
But when I looked at him, he had already stopped looking at me. I don’t need that kind of “friends”.

At Sarah’s – great food with grandad and a guest Whitney. M. insisted I to accompany him begging me. What could I do? I forgave his sentence: “He’s like that. I’ve asked psychiatrists when I’ve been on terrain. – He’s like that” – alluding to “crazy” about me who else but me.

Friday 08 06 2012

The revenge of the grandma.

Grandma Rose told me that the previous day when she sat in front of the house and George and his sister were passing she said George:
-Are you the right one to tell how Nick walks?
-What that grandma? – Georgia asked.
-Look at you how you are – yellow-haired, your hair has grown too much. On your pants from behind everything is noticeable that you’ve sat.
He got embarrassed.

On their last school day this year: No bus anymore – they sent a van. I generally passed the day studying Macedonian.


About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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