Sunday 27 05 2012

Guests – part 2

DSC02296Day for mum’s colleagues and neighbours.

Sue didn’t come as expected.
I wasn’t shy in front of mum’s colleagues as I used to be. A big impression left me Cynthia, Mary’s daughter. (Tag: cuteness) Liza and I only became closer. Dad called the doctor aside in order to talk about the choice of faculty for me. And they called me. In the “upper kitchen” dad told her he couldn’t affect to me, so she to review the offers for the faculties and to tell me which one is good for me. She agreed I to go to Stip – it’s affirming and I can travel every day. About journalism I answered I wrote well, but “I’d need to seek for job away”. She explained to me the vocations on Law faculty. I lost my patience – I snapped.
-You can’t control me, so you want her to control me.
-This is not to control you sweetheart, just to read.
-You can read without me as well.
-Wait to see what she will tell you.
-I paid enough attention to a guest, upstairs there are 2-30 (smiled because of incorrectness). OK not 2-30 , but, like fifteen…
… and I went up. I partially told the guests, Mary P. supported me that I should choose what I wanna to go to and I absolutely agree. I mean if I choose something now, there’s a big possibility I to change my mind ‘till August, the month when the first enrollment period is. Just to dump them, I can say sth, but I don’t want to lie. And who says I have to work the job of which I have finished faculty? For now I consider the faculty as a social obligation for students with my school success. I have talents for which I don’t need faculty about. In fact, this may sound pagan, but at age of 40 days when my family have given me things to choose from determining my future profession, I had chosen the book. In fact, why I’m writing this? I don’t feel obligated to justify myself to her. Just want to say that I maybe didn’t give the chance to my father because I haven’t forgiven him yet. The method the doctor used called me “sweetheart”, increased my anger. I know I made a sin, but did I really deserve gay treatment like that? I mean the male doctor wasn’t even there, not to speak about advising me. How do they expect me to be normal, when they don’t act normally towards me? Why would I open my soul in front of them then? Come on, it’s so shallow, you’re being so transparent …

Now… the presents. My No. 1 present: one from Beatrice’s ones – T-shirt with black and pink – the colour combination that will always remind me of Rob D. – he has a black-pink striped blouse …and I loved the present as soon as saw it.
8150_1No. 2 goes to the Oriflame perfume Glacier from Liza.
And present No. 3 – something never before brought to me, exotic, black… wine from mum’s colleagues.DSC02354
And a specific gift – Whitney (the Devil’s relative if you want to know better) gifted me a … something packed in box of which I thought somebody for the first time in my life bought me a box of chocolate, as I was pulling it out I thought those are 3 chocolate bars, and it was… an after shaving cream, a shower gel and a shaving cream (from a company Agressia) and I commented to Sarah she is non-creative (tag: very typical for men). Better thought … it’s an excellent opportunity for me to open the shaving issue to my parents. Finally. When mum entered Sarah told her I said “A perfect match” for it, I immediately denied her. She told she lied to see how both of us will react. (Mum went out.)

I didn’t sit on the table with the neighbours as most of them know me in my shy light.

In the evening after I didn’t let Michael go in order to “save” me in front of the yet-to-come Matthew and Erma, looking the presents, a chat emerged my dad about the Whitney’s gift.
-To give it to me.
-I’m gonna keep it.
Michael: Nick do you shave?
-No.
Like he doesn’t know. How obvious.
The Holy Bible says to give to everyone what they ask from you but he didn’t ask me directly.
-I put soap. – dad said.
I, I, always I. Isn’t God supposed to be your biggest value? Start from Him, not from yourselves.
Michael continued the chat:
-I put foam after shaving. I buy on every two moths.
And mutilate myself with nothing after it. I to give it to him? This is a unique chance of mine and I’m not gonna let it go. At least he has something, as I’m an amateur in removing facial hair, there were times I made myself wounds or better said I cut not only my hair, but my skin too. Blood wasn’t the only consequence. Consequently as I had nothing to put on it I got infected twice, so mum had to squeeze the zits (the first time with needle). And it is visible, specially the last time when 3 were connected. When people look at you they first look at your face.
I even have a permanent spot because I cut the skin and the blood was gored on the right side of my chin (that one I expected to be retouched on my tableaux picture).
And him … again I … it’s true, he doesn’t know me enough.

In the evening when he got in bed, he asked it from mum (“That for shaving to give it to me”), to which she said “He will give it to you” and dad added “He doesn’t shave”. And you do? So according to that, I lied to Elaine? I sustained from commentary.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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