Friday 18.06.2012

The last school day in my life.

In the bus for the old times God provided me with chance to sit next to someone from the “mines” again. There was a free place next to Stanley, but logically I assumed he’s holding it for Ducky, but then Ducky was right behind him. I needed to dare.
-Is it free?  – I asked Stanley.
He looked at me:
-Sit.
I sat and regretted not saying his name.
-He, he.  – Ducky reacted.
-Mafia. – said Rob T. behind him.
-As it should. – Ducky supported me.
So they mean only good for me.
God knows how long has passed since I last sit to one of them. He indulged me on my last school ride from Zlox to Preevytip. Speaking objectively, what would the chances be like Ducky and Stanley to sit separately, knowing that the students from Ratabitz were there? We didn’t say anything during the ride.

Before our last Sport lesson, Tiffany invited me to go with her to the library, she to return the books. I refused her.
-Why?
-Because I don’t want to lose from the lesson.
-Oh Nick you are not sane. You really are not sane.
-OK, then I think you are not sane too. I don’t care.
-What? “OK, then…”
She didn’t hear me. I didn’t tell her. Everyone can have his/her own opinion. I didn’t go with her because I didn’t feel her so important. If I didn’t want to lose from Sport’s lesson I wouldn’t go with her in the upper hall of the geological building. Simply, her needs are not my priority.

And later I was again afraid of her when she touched me. She wanted to know WHY.
-Why do I need to tell you?
How could I say “sexually abused”? I mean I never personally used the word “sex” (or some of its forms).
-What have I deserved with you to treat me like this?
In our previous conversation you were very open, now what have you have deserved with I to be tender with you?
-With nothing.
-Well then why…
I don’t remember.

On the second lesson, Sarah and I went to return our report cards handed for the contest to Vince, who happened to have lesson at 2-2, Sally’s class.
-Where is Sally? – The curly haired male in the last desk asked after we entered.
-She is not here. – Sb said.
She was absent and later on the big break Miranda asked Tailor.
-Is Sally at school?
-No.
-We know. Nick told us.

The third and forth lesson passed in partying coming from the hi-fi that Andy brought.

My classmates were leaving and I didn’t want despite Barbara and Sarah begging me. As an excuse I found that I should take my ID. Can you think of the right reason?

I wanted to go with the bus to have the last ride with them. I appreciate spiritual pleasures more than material ones, what would I do home? Barbara succeeded to change my mind. After all, waiting from 11:10 to 1:45 isn’t a little, but they were worth it…

Anyway in Zlox, I went at my grandma Debra, my father came there telling me Barbara shared his opinion that the best student choice was politically staged as Myra (Sarah’s mother) belonged to VMRO. … He even thought of filling objection to the principal, but he feared that they might harass me for the matura exams.

My supposed walk with my grandparents was stopped from grandma Debra who went at grandma Gina, so grandad and I went to sit on a bench on the square. From there, I turned around to see the bus I ride every day. I’m sure Ducky and Brian saw me. They might think I’m haunting them.

Home this Friday wouldn’t have been the same if my father didn’t see me in the nude in the bathroom while I was showering. I felt embarrassed, not because he saw my genitals, but because his attention was distracted  by the blooming black wood around it. Not once I said “Everything has a plus side”, so… I told mum she could NOT see me naked anymore as well, (as because of her – to stabilize the water I didn’t “lock” the door). Do you get me? This will be like my mustache. I waited – nobody (but Kathy) told me, so I … cut them. I was determined to do so with my public hair. Everything happens with a REASON.

I prepared with practicing oros for the upcoming evening party at Chombe’s.

At Chombe’s Ashley saved me place (at least somebody somewhere) and ordered drink for me. The atmosphere (of the supposed tavern) was good. I even decided to which song I want to have my first sex, unfortunately I forgot it. I didn’t feel shame. Lots of the girls called me to dance. I danced to both folk and modern songs.
a49As you know I don’t have a standard gang where I belong to, so being alone in the crowd, a guy from mechanical or the geological vocation hugged me on a song, and after a while, again. This time I hugged him too, and of course, I was cheerful, vibrated. After he let me go, we greeted with the hands.

I was close with Miranda that evening. She showed me Sally’s brother and she invited me to go out, I accepted. There:
-Why are you smiling?
-I’m gonna miss you. Recently we got very close.
She told me:
-Until third year we didn’t hang out at all, this year in the second semester we got very friendly.
-What?

It was true, I’m glad I found friend with so good soul. There’s no chance she’s hiding any different her under her modesty. All the best for her.

I expected the party to last until 1:00 am but we left at 12:45.

Then … “COOL” – the best place for going out in Preevytip. Loud techno music and hot atmosphere. I’ll miss the “Uu-Uu”’s when I get old. Andy was going behind me, but I eventually lost my co-comers. I went out on the stairs waiting for Sarah and Darryl (and maybe Andy). When you have a friend everything is easier. It wasn’t coincidence that she was sent there alone… Miranda. We went inside to seek for them, she couldn’t find it. And soon after I couldn’t find her, but Brenda found me:
-You know where you’re going?
-No.
-Go right, right in a hole you’ll find everyone from your class.
-Where? Outside or inside?
-Outside… ooh… inside in the hole.

In the hole, Darryl found me. I leaned on a little wall between Sarah and … George. I left with Andy, Sarah and Darryl. Andy asked me:
-Nick how did it go for you?
-Good.
-Was there some girl?
-Well there was.
To which all my classmates in the car laughed.
-We hung out. – Sarah “saved” me.
Andy wasn’t sincere with me. I consider that question as prank. Like he doesn’t know and doesn’t see. But c’mon… Like question, like answer.

It was almost 2 o’clock when I arrived home, mum didn’t sense me, so I used the opportunity to cut part of my enormous public hair. Yes, it’s better.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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