Thursday 17.05.2012

The wait is over. The student of the generation 2008-2012 is no longer a secret.

I didn’t sit in the bus again.
-Don’t let him – said Ducky to his friend Firk who sat alone in front of him.
-Don’t let him. I …, he runs.
Perhaps it wasn’t about me, but I speeded up because I hoped one of those will find it for me. Melanie sat next to Firk. I carried a bag with eleven books. Were the people I loved so soulless? Should I place the books on the ground and sit on them? I humiliated myself many times, I won’t even consider this as humiliation.

After I got off the bus, the bag fell – it ripped. I smiled, took it and went on.

On Sport Sarah entered, I noticed she was happy, somebody (perhaps the professor) congratulated her. I overheard she won the title “best student from socio-humanistic area combination A of the generation”. Who was the student of generation, I asked Melanie. She said:
-Sarah was chosen for the best from socio, and for the student of the generation…
-Iris. – I interrupted her.
-Iris. – She confirmed.
Sarah came next to me of the bench I sat.
-Sarah let me congratulate you, I heard they chose you.
-Thanks Nick, I just saw. You’re right after me. I have 105 points, you 102.
A three-digit number?
She told me who else was adorned with the titles.
Kathy called me to play basketball, I refused.
-Maybe you’re angry Nick, that they didn’t choose you?
-Nah. I’m not angry. – I faked smiled. It is already natural to me.
I felt that my eyes burned, but I didn’t burst into tears.
-Cause you study all the time and you’re regular on lessons.
-According to me for all four years if we look I think that Mary knew the most.
-I wasn’t hoping that they’ll choose me.
-I wasn’t hoping too. You also have prizes, …
Prizes? Was I with myself?
-I mean, you also have participated in activities and in projects and you’ve given blood. All… You are in all… How to say…?
I couldn’t remember the word. This rarely or never happens.
-All comprehensive. – I got it.
-Thanks Nick. I wish you to succeed further in life too.
-You are welcome. Thanks.
-The pedagogue was standing behind me and she says “To treat”, I say “I will”.
-What will you treat? – It wasn’t expected from me.
-Well I’ll see what. Some chocolates.

After the lesson Sarah followed up to my walking and we went to the gymnasium, she to return the diary.
In front of the office room it was announced the results for the choice for the students of the generation. I had 102,8 (perhaps 6) points. Sarah – 105,2… I wonder how did they manage to calculate the results with exactness of 2 decimals. She said the professors have given her little points.
– 5, …  – Little? Well I only had 2,…
The fake me caught up:
-Compared to Iris, yes.
She had (17 or) 18. How can an opinion be expressed in decimals? For them it’s something new, higher… and because it occupies more paper space… – better.
The weirdest part to me was seeing the signature of Willy Carandang, as a member from the students.

We went to the little “bookstore” in the tunnel to copy the Philosophy and Geography matura questions. She was close to the shop assistant (the gender, of course) and when a cute kid entered to buy narrow and wide notebooks.
-Which grade are you? – Sarah convinced me she deserved the title.
-Third.
-Sweetheart. – Sarah said.
-Just not to be with barbies. – said the kid.

It rained and we went to wait under the bank, Derek joined us. Then Sarah went at her friend Monica on a birthday cake, Derek separated from me and joined Al Ratabitz, so I went to wait under the Stokovna where I made an interview with myself in my mind about the best student choice. I considered the decisions objective taken those criteria, but in my opinion the student of the generation is the one who knows more than the others regardless of activity participation, making projects or blood subtraction from X reasons of which NO. 1 is cleaning the spots out of the face; skipping school, losing weight, or the selfish thought that just баш their blood needed for body still in development would be the one that will help others (poor them they are not completely aware where their blood finishes).
Was it all the same to me? It wasn’t, because I thought it would have been better if I didn’t apply at all, but then it was, just as Melanie said: “If you don’t try, you won’t know. Besides, I WILL get a diploma.
I didn’t allow it to affect to my mood.
To be sincere I expected that Iris would be the student of the generation with 75% Sarah to be the best from social A, but I changed my opinion as soon as I found out the best will get a digital camera.
61GA3oiBzEL._SL1500_I had a conversation with my parents about buying one recently, so I thought that maybe The Holy Spirit wants me to have it for free. …
ti-amo-compound-chocolates-400x300I was glad to be in the same class with the best student from my area and I thought she’d treat us with Ti Amo chocolates.

In the bus just before coming out the bus couldn’t pass freely as another vehicle interfered from the opposite direction. Ted was in front of me. At a moment he turned around towards me, I pretended not to notice him (so he’d look at me another time), but he continued, I looked at him. To my big surprise he said:
-Nicky this Glen wants to smash us.
I blinked, I thought he would ask me for umbrella from my house, something that I’d love to. I said:
-He doesn’t.
He turned around. It was THEN I figured out the perfect answer. It was: “Him to smash us? Look how many we are”. Sometimes people really need to look aside. This is a plus, though God knows what I want and gives me just that. I didn’t get angry for not being in the “best” choice and God valued it. A spiritual pleasure. It means Ted haven’t given up from me and this is our big No.2 chat. Beside he still calls me Nicky and he DID say my name. Unfortunately it was my penultimate school day.

In the afternoon I posted on my fake FB profile (to which I received a friend request from a kid, Ethan Adrian, very resembling to the one we saw earlier):

Fake smiles… fake morality… hypocrisy… feelings manipulation… jealousy… hatred… games… lies… delusions… false promises… huge desire for belonging with the others… SELFISHNESS!!! Stereotypes… discrimination… soul attacks… … … … … …
Is there an end?
I know that tomorrow I won’t say “Farewell” to them, but at least there’s a whole season ahead without them!

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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