28.04.2012 – 30.04.2012

[The text from 28.04 concluding with 03.05 is derived from notes.]

Saturday 28.04.2012
I told mum there were 2 passengers with me that studied in Skopje and that I had asked what they studied. I refused to talk further.
Barbara came at my place. I saw the Devil twice.

Sunday 29.04.2012
I opened Christian Chrisy’s Facebook profile.
I saw the Devil 4 times.
In the evening Darryl picked me up by his car to go at Mary’s place for her birthday along with Sarah. We were welcomed on the upper floor along with the other guests – Brenda and The-Prodigy-5Mary’s cousin Terrence. I was the only one sitting opposite the others, looking like I belonged to some cult so I laughed because of it. The topics of the evening included: (naked) holiday photos, Prodigy, tattooing, priests’ sins, Brenda and Darryl’s weddings plans, Mary’s family origins (and treasure), hair and depilation (Brenda asked Darryl if he had hair on his butt and not me), childhood… I couldn’t express myself because I didn’t know Terrence well who selfishly interrupted others for his own interests.

Monday 30.04.2012
Someone I believe to be Ducky said “Nicky” in the morning. There was a place for me this time in the bus.
-Eh, Nick will sit. – commented George.
I wanted to respond him (“I’ll sit”), but he didn’t deserve it.
At school, Frances asked me:
-Nick why are you like that?
-Like what?
-What don’t you hang out?
I can’t remember of the answer, if there was one.
On the waiting area Monkey commended me for something:
-Nickie like that.
Brian sat on the little wall next to me for 3 seconds, before Darryl called him. I forgave him.
In the bus, Ducky was sitting behind me, others from the “mines” were sitting close. Ducky refused a friend’s offer to tease me.
-When he looks at you, he’s gonna kill you. Killing eyes. … If he looks at you…
Probably referring to my look from that morning after he told me it wasn’t raining. Brother I can’t kill you it is forbidden to me.
Then the “mines” called “Nicky!” in a choir. I couldn’t resist the happiness, I smiled.
-He got shy. – I heard Dave. -Where for the May?
-I won’t go. – I said quietly, not looking at him. I should have dared.
-Ducky, do it to him. – It was Brian.
-I can’t, he’ll kill me. – Ducky avoided me.
Do what?
-Keep place for him. – Perhaps Ducky was talking about me and the next morning.
I was happy for the situation and I wanted more.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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