Spring, unfinished

They say it’s spring.
And we are becoming more distant. Last week I realized it. No that big hope anymore that I’m one of them. We don’t wait along, we don’t sit together (yes, again), we very rarely talk and that seems to be only formal. Only 24 days together (a-ha), even that isn’t for sure. This target of mine was the most realistic one, but speaking realistically there aren’t many sparks left.
Did I need spring to realize it?
But there were signs from both sides. Now the ways of understanding could have been wrong. I did live in hope. Still do, but not as it was. They make me smile, they make me happy, they make me appreciate even more our LORD who united us. But could it be over after 18th of May? I love them so much! Even a childhood connection. You must know some faces that you see, but you don’t know their name. One of them was A.B. – the footballer. And of course after some time those people mean sth to you, unlike the other people you see in the crowd… it’s simply different when you see ‘em. You look at them longer.
Another familiar person is David who now everybody calls him Dave. I barely recognized him when I saw him in the bus at the beginning of last school year. Yet, there was something primeval that haven’t changed. However his sister has left me more impression although they seemed to be always together (together – if only) I remember that my then very good friend Brian (the Bomb → not what you think) once turned around her hand multiple times after what she cried and that she was often warned for opening her eyes when we were supposed to get asleep. Was it because of my homosexuality? I can’t particularly remember of any events connected to him. God I so love my childhood. So interesting. When I didn’t act or pretend about anything. I didn’t even know what it was. Pure. Last year I read on Wikipedia kids don’t choose the gender of their friends ‘till the age of four. Asexuality. Why we needed sexuality? People would have invented some way of creating kids anyway. If only Eve and Adam didn’t eat from that tree… Not without a purpose we are supposed to keep away from body pleasures…

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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