Wednesday 11.04.2012

On the waiting area:
Dave: _______ (I couldn’t hear) will call him from now.
Someone perhaps Ducky: Who?
Dave: Him. (probably pointing his head at me)
Brian: Say yesterday.
Ducky: He thinks he can’t be seen. The light is on, everything can be seen.
I know. That’s why it’s called “the FAKE Nick”.
I looked down and patted with my left leg for them to think I didn’t listen. Unfortunately it meant subject changing for them.
-Don’t let him (to sit) now – said probably Dave in the bus.
Never mind, some of the best relationships start the bad way.
However Elaine G. who was in front of me was walking on, and I followed her as I thought there’s a full free seat. I left to see better if there really was. Some laughed.
-Sit there. – said Stanley to me referring the place next to Johnny. But it wasn’t guaranteed it was free so:
-No. – I said and sat on the movable seat after some from behind laughed. John (from my generation) descended it to me.
On the next bus stop:
-Nick I’ll sit next to you. – said Sarah. Rob D. who had come there because the bus had stopped there first yesterday (is that another separation?), asked Elaine sitting in front of me:
-Is it free?
-It’s free.
During the ride one of his friends Justin assumingly said:
-Mincy you are the jinx. (Rob first looked left, then right) From tomorrow to climb “up”.
I don’t remember his answer, but I do remember his sincere smile (with teeth) that reminds me to some mines when somebody who I love specially chooses me to interact with me. You are not alone.
Then I thought that if Sarah hadn’t sat next to me, Rob would have perhaps sat next to me. But if it wasn’t for Sarah, it would mean have meant she’d sat next to Mary → who was absent. Hence, I would have accepted Stanley’s offer.
Most of the time I studied my History project matura assignment during the breaks and the lessons gaps.
We didn’t have Management as the professor was included in the Business commission for examination on the project assignment. And it was also time for my presentation. We were told by the new History professor (who had friendly access) that we will start without him, he had sixth and seventh lesson and we entered at the second year sports’ class’s classroom (where Brian studied), nobody dared to sit in the first row desk and while others were choosing, I sat in the second desk of the center column (the real me). Ducky… oh wait, Dustin sat next to me obtaining my permission. He commented that I looked very good on the picture – “Like someone else. You have changed your haircut”
-Others tell me that too.
I did not say anything about his and I regret it. He was close… I mean Ethan and Derek Veach were close to him. No matter what they call him “bro”, he is MY indirect relative . And they soo can not take it from me. There’s always sth stopping me from being “the real me”. No. 1 factor this time: the environment. I was stressed and my shivering hand was proving it. None of us wanted to be first. (E. said “I’m the last” → not a number.) We, I mean they agreed to go out while one presents. Then the professor came and accepted the suggestion, but said few to stay including me: “Nick come back”. – “Transport obligation”. What to do. The new Latin professor Mary entered and Dalton her a task to write in the students. I was the first.
-Let’s start with Nick. – the professor Dalton said.
Oh no.
-I first? – I said.
-Yes. You know the most. – replied the professor. I, the best. I thought Dustin was. Could that be regarded as offence?
Well… I wasn’t fully prepared – I didn’t focus much on studying part by part, but I was reading as my method of studying. I sat.
-Tête-à-tête. Do you know what tête-à-tête is? – Dalton said.
I knew it’s looking at each other, but tête meant something as what from stress I couldn’t remember, now I know it means “head”. I confused it with “visage”.
-Eyes-in-eyes. That’s what it means. The professor will say. She knows the language. – Dalton said.
-Yes. – she said.
-If you want think about it then start. – Dalton -I’ll interrupt you before you start … – I don’t remember what she said.
I gave additional information on the subject, as Dalton told me on History. Despite his words, he didn’t look me in eyes (res non verbis) and the other professor kept signing in the other students. I noticed she looked me only twice.
-OK… Еh now about… on page…
Were Delton’s words and he walked me through my whole project. I haven’t paid much attention to the small parts, so he complemented me, I said “Uh-um”. Wow! That’s how the TV reporters affect me. He looked at me.
In the end I lost my concentration. I repeated the same thing three times, I reminded myself a lot and even said the “propagant” instead of the “Protestant” propaganda, after what I (of course to avoid shame) fake smiled. However it came to an end, and the professor Mary had no questions about the subject.
-Are you satisfied? – the professor asked me.
-Well… g…
-It was good. Right?
I chose to go, despite the not awareness of the time.
Outside, the others invited me to find out how it was. Francis, Miranda and Sandra. The gender doesn’t matter, they are product of God’s seventh day creation.
smartphone-in-handI found out it was 13:30 thanks to Miranda’s smartphone and went to wait. Not even five minutes later, the bus arrived and:
-Nick I’ll sit next to you to ask you something. – Elaine said.
Now what? Coming?
Marcus said:
-Nick sit there – referring the opposite of him place.
-No, I want from this side. – I said, but I guess he hadn’t heard me, as he turned around after I sat.
The user Elaine next to me. It was about the Sport project: Title and showed me what she needs to take from a book. She wanted to copy it directly but… page numbers. She didn’t ask me to come at my place, but she arranged with a girl – Tailor at half past two – not sure about the purpose. She acted the same way: “Are you free later? Oh, this project”. Nick doesn’t act the same towards the people. Why? They are all different.
I was in a very good mood as the presentation was finally over, I even devised the moral as message from myself to myself: “Show the real you. If God loves you they will love you too”, but it was spoiled by Elaine’s call about the bullets that should be in the Sport’s project.
Leave me alone, I didn’t care for my project.
I didn’t recognize the number, so I gave the phone to mum who lied her I was “in toilet” and to call later. She said mum she wouldn’t have credit later and IF I WANTED to call her. I got nervous and I yelled blaming Elaine for getting in touch with me:
-… Even in the bus she sat next to me and asked me how it should be. (I went to my room) Don’t they realize they are boring?! Insane ones!
I looked through the window and I saw… Dave standing opposite my house. OMG! He heard me! Now he knows another part of me. The strong Nick. Then I took my phone and took photos of him. Yes, I’m sure he saw me behind the curtain. When a bus arrived he was gone. Did he leave? But when the bus left, I saw him with a female companion, he was carrying a bag. It was his sister Tricia. I hardly recognized her, but her head back still looked the same.
Then I called Elaine and read her the sub-bullets about the project.
I sought for Tricia on Facebook. Only Dave was a mutual friend with her and she had only one photo of her of five. She looked like there was a new face on her old her, yet the goodness could still be seen in her eyes.
Mum told me that Cassandra’s mother cried when she came to doctor because a surgery was needed to be done to Cassandra’s arm – broken tendons and the doctors didn’t dare to do it here. I said:
-Will you feel sorry for them?
I was still nervous. I considered it as God’s punishment to Cassandra. So I thought: “I won’t pray for her it’s better to realize her sins sooner”.
OK, I will pray she to realize it sooner.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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