07.04.2012, 08.04.2012

Saturday 07.04.2012
Time for my weekend dose of Devil. – Through the window, with someone. It was a Saturday when I didn’t have to be home with Michael. I went walking with grandad when he came. On the walk Derek Derr passed us on his bike. I didn’t see him at first, anyway he did not say a thing to me. Grandad and I went to see if there are fish in the river. I couldn’t resist not to go on the planks where Brian sat on his latest Facebook photo, although grandpa didn’t like it.
At the beginning on the “new road” I saw names written on the fence in while like with tempera colours: Marcs, Dave, Brian. Those were their names and I touched every letter of Brian’s name. Energy. At least I can touch something from him.
I live every day with them, without them knowing it.
After the walk I went at grandma’s where M. said he showed my tableaux picture to others because he was proud with me. It’s wrong.
A human can not rest even on Saturday.
At 14:10 Barbara had written an SMS message to me: “Nikey if you are free let me come to see the photos kocho put them on fb beep if ok”
I mean, humans can have real rest only during the nights. I whined mum that my computer was like a bitch and told her if there pills for sleeping daily and being awake at the night I’d take them.
552567_3201581191606_1321646873_nOn Facebook… likes, likes. Ethan liked my photo on Kocho’s profile among 6 others. Barbara wasn’t fully satisfied with her picture, and I liked myself better on the preview. I didn’t show her the real me who would have published my real photo on my profile while she was here and not waiting for her to fill the time searching English songs. I mean one should be talented to recognize likeable song when heard on the street, school or café, not randomly to click for some on Youtube. Poor her.

Sunday 08.04.2012
I received more likes (around 20).
8th of April – Day of Roms and I saw Monkey with a friend of his trough the window.
Mum and I decided to go “downtown” – she said to go to the shop, I at grandma’s and on the road – Marcus on Pigs I hid my smile looking at the road. However I kind of sneaked peeked towards him and he said “Nick”. Mum said “Hello”, I said it too, only quieter.
We received mews from Skopje that M. passed on his shooting test. Connections through a relative police officer – Beatrice. Illegal thing. He thinks: This is the easiest way, no one else knows, but God does. And he shouldn’t be worried when He punishes him. You can’t play with the Lord.
Later through the window, I saw Marcus the Pig walking with Ducky’s brother according to Facebook. I think they saw me.
In the evening some teenagers from upper neighbourhood whistled after me when they passed. 3 times hide and sick and mum appeared on the window. I didn’t use violence to stop her as I was afraid from God. She beat me and said that my father wanted to go after them and beat them. Never mind, she hurt my body, it will pass, not my soul. I forgive her.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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