Friday 06.04.2012

Be happy for other people’s happiness. Maybe you are the reason for it.

While waiting I noticed that Rob was standing aside from the gang he belongs by hearing what time he went to bed. Why was he separating? It wasn’t the first time I noticed it. Sitting back in the bus is also a sign. Why? Do they not accept him? Because standing with them is much more interesting. I hope differences in opinion is the reason, not fight. But he and Brian are both passionate football fans and very, very good souls. What could be the reason?
When the bus was turning round, Barbara asked me:
-Why did you take equipment? We won’t have Sport.
I noticed Brian was looking at me, so I decided to look at Barbara all the time.
-The professor (I blinked although I knew what to say. I did it, because I may not have been prepared for what was coming later. The second-most powerful weapon for looking at eyes (first is confidence) refreshed my thought. Unwillingly for me, Brian stopped looking at me then. He realized it was then I realized he was looking at me. A misinterpretation.) said we would have.
-We will have a lecture. – she replied.
I wanted to say “That’s why I don’t have sportswear on me”, but that wasn’t a village market, neither I was a woman.
In the bus while I was walking Dave said “Nick”. I looked at him. He stopped looking at me.
-There’s a place for you. – A.B. showed me completely free seat. Hah. The “lost Nick” was looking forward. I sat there and… Stanley and Ducky were sitting again in front of me. Message delivered. God wants me to know they are good. They hang out, they are close. Every time I cry in the evening, next morning there is action. God hasn’t failed me. I will never be disappointed by Him.
While heading to the library where the lecture was it was raining a little, I had no umbrella so Barbara who had, asked me: “Don’t you have an umbrella?” I was walking a bit behind her. Sarah smilingly passed me by and stood under Barbara’s umbrella. I forgive her. The lecture was about ethics and moral of the participants in the traffic.
We were supposed to tell a philosophical though that will be next to our photo in the almanac. I didn’t find the right one, despite my abilities. All of my thoughts I could remember were connected to Christianity. I decided not to care, because I cared about too many unimportant things in my life. On Philoshophy (not coincidently) Sarah asked me to tell her mine. I said I didn’t have and that I couldn’t speak on the lesson. Her Christian soul offered I take one from Mary’s as she had two. I accepted if there wasn’t any better choice.
I bought Bruschette maretti and Viva juice, but carried them in my pockets. When I returned Mary asked me:Brusk
-Nick did you buy yourself food?
-Yes. It’s in my pockets.
I got it out.
-Why are you hiding it?
-Others not to ask me why I bought it the very one.
-Nick. Who cares what you eat? Who asks me what I did I buy myself?
-I’ll ask you (smiling).
I hid it for John not to see me with it and ask me: “Why Bruschette maretti again?” Yes, I was ashamed.
Thoughts: Mary cares about me. She asks me if she sees something’s wrong with me, not like Darryl who never calls me with them. Well, I guess that’s because I show the real me in front of Mary. Of course, there’s a reason for it.
I dropped a tear on Economy when I thought about Jesus’s victimizing for humans and that we should return Him. No one saw me.
No 5th and 6th lesson because of systematic check-up. While heading to the health center, I was called by … none other but Michael, standing under the roof of the Stokovna. He was there because he practiced how to shoot for his passing on Sunday. Thank God he didn’t see me with girls. Not that he doesn’t know but… Now I think he doesn’t.
Then Barbara called me to walk with them under Ashley’s umbrella. I accepted.
In the health center I was wondering whether we would get undressed only on underwear. Again “They can’t harm my soul”. Luckily girls were first. When Kathy came to take her health booklet Darryl asked her:
– Do you need to get undressed?
-We need to. I’m fucking you up.
She understands it as a joke.
Renee came and she said:
-We should on panties.
But only on panties. (If it is as you want.)
The doctor, I mean Darryl’s father came and said: “The males to get undressed” to another medical male person.
He even opened the door where the check up was performed and said
-The males to get naked.
To which Darryl responded “Only if there is some female”. We prepare ourselves for life in heaven, but this isn’t Heaven.
And how do you expect Darryl not to be vulgar? However a doctor is not more important that a legal duty. Vision, height, weight, nutrition, erectness, feet, heart beating and blood were the things that were checked on us.
I was the second (after Darryl) as those who wore glasses weren’t checked their vision. I was surprised that I was 62 kilos and I was 64 last September. I expected a weight gain. Height: 176.5 cm.
Darryl said to me:
-Nick it’s nothing.
3c1e8e7215af6b958f90a0662ad144af_mAbout the finger that blood was taken from after what I showed it to him. I know it is nothing, mum took blood from me last month, just… it wasn’t the real me.
On the way out Tiffany, Sarah, and Mary were just coming and Tiffany asked me:
-How much did they tell you to fill uр?
-They didn’t say anything. I weight 62 kilos.
She passed me, but turned around:
-Nick why do you walk alone? Wait for these.
Who were standing with Sarah and Mary.
-Аh I don’t want to. – I said.
They didn’t call me, except it, I heard they would go by taxi.
On the road I met Zander and Wayne, I looked down.
-Nick let’s go home – Zander said.
Zander? I never wished he was a friend of mine.
-No. – I said. – I’ll wait.
-OK. – Zander responded.
In fact I should have maybe asked him if they would go on foot or by hitchhiking, but THE BUS was the thing I was looking for(ward).
While waiting M. came and begged me we to go at Sarah’s, then with mum to Zlox. Andy saw us.
-Come on.
-I don’t want to, you can’t convince me.
-Come. I’ll pay taxi to your aunt’s.
-What will I do?
-On the computer.
–Your news.
-Sarah will be happy.
-I don’t want, I’m not afraid to you.
After the long non-convincing he took a taxi and left…
Being stubborn is a sin, but… God I loved them so much. The incertitude is a perk by itself.
Then I formed a friendship. With a female. The overweight other Elaine’s friend riding in the bus with us.
She sat on the little wall, I stood.
-Nick did they say when will they give the photos to you?
-They didn’t.
-When did you pose?
-We posed on Monday.
After a while:
-Why isn’t the bus coming?
-What?
-I’m saying why isn’t the bus coming?
-Every day is like that. -my positive thinking.
-What is your name? – I finally asked that question.
-Alison.
-I don’t know you.
-Did they say when the prom will be?
-They said the principal sent something to Creshovo Topche and to San Niko to send offers for when it’s gonna be. At you?
-There’s nothing.
Melanie Collins passed and said:
-Nike.
I said:
-Hi.
-Is she from your class? – Alison asked me.
-She was until second year. Melanie?
-Yes. Does she study?
-She does.
-Аh she does, until 8th grade she was getting F’s.
She also asked me the two upper questions about Elaine, Kathy, Damon Eaton and Tiffany.
-You were from the same class?
-Yes.
-Who was your head teacher?
-Lina. – She answered confidently.
-Uh huh (silently).
There was emptiness.
-Are you from here? – connecting things plus showing interest.
-Yes. – she said it and looked down.
It probably was her “painful area”. A divorce or sth. Of course I didn’t ask her why she moved.
The gang was from the opposite side. Rob was with another group? Why? Don’t the good souls connect themselves?
I thought the conversation was over, but Alison said:
-Why isn’t it coming?
-What’s the time?
-Here. – she was showing me her watch. Trust since the first meeting. Obviously good impression. But I couldn’t see it.
-What is it?
-Thirty five past one.
-It will come in a while.
After a while:
-When the will push…
-Instead to come now while there are fewer kids.
-Yeah.
I showed her the real me. I insisted to, but I didn’t look in her eyes all the time. It’s a human feature. The fact that I have been hurt in the past doesn’t stop me from acting normal.
-Now you’ll stand again.
It was normal for her to say so. I mean I understand her: How can somebody who does a normal conversation, act non-normal at times?
I appreciate that she noticed. Like Mary. It means closeness.
The minutes are the same regardless of what we had only 3 lesson.
The bus was arriving. Alison said:
-It’s coming.
I smiled. She continued:
-It’s good.
And inside the bus I was thinking of sitting behind Ted, but Marcus on Pigs said:
-Nick sit behind me.
-Good. – I obeyed him, although I later regretted. I’m not sure who sat next to me, perhaps Helaine. I thought: If I show the fake Nick at school and the real me at home, what is my alter ego? What do you think?
I concluded: not coincidently it’s called “real me”, my alter ego is the fake Nick.
I was happy I saw almost all of them – 9. Only Dave was missing. J
Home – the usual for Fridays – PC.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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