03.03.2012 – 05.03.2012

Saturday 03.03.2012
I mostly wrote in my diary and still didn’t succeed to make up completely.

Sunday 04.03.2012
I studied English. Sarah called me. Watched “Bubamara”. In the evening I found out Barbara’s sister got married.

Monday 05.03.2012
I am happy.
While waiting E. and Barbara from my left and right side discussed if they learned English. I didn’t look at Ethan.
I stood in the bus in the morning.
The English written work… It was not as hard as I expected, but it was difficult. I gave my work not being sure about six sentences.
When I waited, John said:
-Nicky
…and smiled to me. I smiled too, but it was just a little. I guess I wasn’t in the mood. Luckily he went to the opposite side to wait with his friends, so when he was coming later towards me, mum was faster.
In the bus an unknown man sat next to me.
In the evening while grandma was in my room, I heard voices and immediately ran to the window. They were more than I could imagine, like 8. I don’t know what time it was, I hid. Mum saw it and she appeared on the window. She was embarrassing me. Can’t I have something with people I want? I caught mum’s leg and I pulled her backwards. As a male I used my force. Mum was furious at me. She said she would say to them: “Nick wants to hang out with you a lot”, when we would wait for the bus. I didn’t want it to happen, I mean I want them to be my friends, but put that way it would mean like criticizing me. In fact what would they say? Her voice would be ironic. I didn’t allow myself to blink for mum not to notice I really want to. There’s more from our conversation:
Mum: How will you look Ethan in eyes tomorrow?
I: Why how to look Ethan in eyes?
Mum: He hangs out with them. Won’t you be ashamed?
I: Who is Ethan I to be ashamed from him?
Mum: He is clever.
I: If he is clever to you, you be ashamed from him.
I said it and I meant it. It was better without feelings.
Later I was standing while talking to grandma, I checked though the window and 3 of them were standing there.
-Hello – someone said.
I hid and I couldn’t get the smile off of my face. Never mind how crazy was it, importantly it made me happy. (And happiness is number 3 on my most important things list after God and life.) Jesus I love You.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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