Tuesday – 31.01.2012

Things look much differently when I’m happy. Today the reason is I have nothing to study for tomorrow. Let’s start: For the first time this year I went to wait for the bus on “the upper way”, and waited longer than usual. This time there were a lot of students on “the upper way”, so I entered through the back door and I reconciled myself after Ashley (Fox) said to Dean to descend the movable seat. The last seats were reserved for their usual sitters, but another student which I later found out to be Rob (in fact I and M. had him on Facebook) sat and somebody – perhaps him called “Sit Nick”, “So what?” – he said. And the student whose bag was on the empty seat removed it and I sat. Two of the usual sitters there stood and one of them took a picture in which it would have been me if he listened to Dean’s suggestion “From further, you will capture us all”, but I and Rob were left out from the photo. When we arrived a friend of Rob said to him “Nicky, why didn’t you ask him, he will say something.” And Rob said to him: “Why don’t you ask him?” and then Rob said to me “C’mon Nick”.

We were late for the first lesson and we didn’t have interrogation Philosophy. Andrea was absent and I felt good about that.

On the third lesson Business, Adele entered and after the “Good afternoon”, I briefly looked at her and afterward I was wondering “Has she bangs?”, after what Sarah said “You have a new haircut. It’s very beautiful.”

Adele: Shorter, to use Alison, she’ll go on maternity later.

The new haircut gave her more volume and was making her look fatter, cuter and… sexier. She said “You’ll give me a book”. I raised my head. She was looking towards my book. I put my hand on my book. I put my hand on my book and then she looked at Tiffany. Tiffany said “Let me get out the rubbish”.

Adele: To get out the rubbish.

She had that habit to repeat after people, sometimes in a question form. Has this situation a connection with the quiz? Obviously. In the first semester once… not just once, she said “Can you give me the book Nick?” It was a question although it would have been like an order to another student, yet she didn’t give up like this time. The “deed” mixed the things up. Unfortunately. In fact I wasn’t her favourite one neither in the first semester. I admit I was jealous to E. when she smiled after talking to him and when she asked him if it was cold. I proved I had the power to return her. To fight. At least I tried. You know what they say: “When a door closes, another door opens. We just don’t see it.” Diana was sitting next to me and we were given a piece of paper by rows to make a discussion about some problem in a company. Our group chose the unawareness of the citizens of the Herbalife products. Although Diana showed some interest at the beginning, she and I were passive during Tiffany and Sarah’s solutions. Adele said: “Everyone get included” and walked back. I guessed it was a way to give me awareness that I should have participated and I loved it.

4th lesson – Sport. The first clothes changing for 2012. While the boys were talking, I thought that E. would have been included in the conversation if he had been there unlike me. We had a visit from Jay (that amazingly cute kid) and I couldn’t resist not to smile in his presence. My ex-P.E. teacher Earl was also there. Why do males love Sport so much? It’s not weird what P.E. got renamed to Sport.

UlkerBiskrem40g0972Our fifth lesson was English and the professor Molly served herself with Denise’s cookies Biskrem while she was gone and said they were like Tutku. After the lesson, Sarah took one and I turned around to see the name of them. I wrote Biscrem in my Economy book and the above listed D. saw it. She said:

-Are you going to keep records about me?

Like I give a shit about her. You know which one is your number on my list? You probably don’t because it’s too low and the letters are too small to be read. I ignored her.

She went to the recycle bin and when returned she asked me the same thing with addition of “Tell me”.

This time I said:

-I wrote it for me, to buy them sometime.

-You definitely need a cure, on that way, a cure for the head.

So what? It wasn’t her first time to say sth about my mental health, only this time she excluded “psychiatrist”. I didn’t say anything.

Then she went in the hall, and when she entered back she said:

-Write I went outside.

No reaction from me.

-You really are a big bastard.

I started to write it below her previous quote and she was curious to see what I was writing. As she became close, I nuzzled the Economy to me. She did a nervous scream and I fake smiled stronger than yesterday. I was filling myself with positive energy, she was nervous.

The thing was she was very similar to me when it comes to “getting involved into situations”, like she went to the recycle bin to check if the Darryl’s drawings of Tiffany in grave were still there, also when she went to the toilet when Sarah and Barbara went to water the sponges after they fought. Looks like she often goes to the recycle bin. Looks like it’s her place there. Anyway I want to say she’s ENVIOUS to me what I can interfere in the other people’s situations and she can’t (or has no courage to dare!).

After the last lesson, Economy, I went to wait. Sue passed, and as I couldn’t see her from my jacket’s cap she said “Good afternoon, Nick” smiled. I greeted her with a smile too and although my first thought was: “Now she smiled and on the phone she said “Oh, how much he irritates me”. “She is probably in the mood”. I had something better to think about: “So what if Adele doesn’t love me (if she doesn’t), I have Sue (who said I was like her child), Gloria (who always says sth to me when she sees me after she stopped teaching me), Molly (who always respected me looking by looking me in face) and Dominic (who usually smiles when he makes my references on History)”. I had my arm in air from joy when I got home. Even if the thing with Adele was real love, she wasn’t my first one. I feel I need to give this space to Molly. I am sorry about the way I interpreted her note about me last semester. In fact she was a very good person and she openly said what she meant. That’s what I want – openness. That’s right Molly, God bless you and God bless those who raised you. My apologize to you. Keep it that way! 🙂

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to finish this day in my diary on time, so the following text is a continuation (written on 01.07.2013) deriving from my notes:

After the bus arrived there were many students intending to sit, I took the back door hoping to take the movable seat, which this time was taken by Cathleen, Sarah and Helaine from 3rd year. I was trapped between the back of it and the students from the last seats, to be exact: My butt was touching Rob ’s legs. I heard Dean saying: “The beast can’t be filled in”, as there was no space for me to change my position. Rob said I was a good kid, I removed and gave my bag as I was offered. Brian, sitting next to Rob, addressed him:

– How he has positioned to you…

Then Rob suggested me to sit in him, but I refused and Brian commented it. Someone was pinching me from the back, it was John framing Rob as they were sitting next to each other which resulted with violence between them. “Leave him” – I told Rob who complimented me: ”Your cap is good”. There was a moment I felt something different to my butt which caused me an erection. OMG, was it Rob’s penis? No, it was his hand between his legs.  I felt very happy and grateful to God. Thank You.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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