24.01.2012, 25.01.2012

Tuesday – 24.01.2012

On the break, after the students went out for breakfast, I went to close the door. There were people in the hall, so I was looking at them. Ashley said “Nikey it’s stupid to stand on the door like that. Go out”. I wanted to say “If it’s stupid for you, don’t do it”, but I realized it was better to act like she didn’t exist. So I just went to my place. Just like I said “if it doesn’t affect me let them talk”. Of course, it depends from when person it came from.

On Business toward the end of the lesson while the rest of the students were talking or listening, Adele asked me where I was going to go on faculty. I said “I don’t know”, although my parents want psychology. The question meant a lot to me. At that particular moment, it wasn’t E., it was nobody else but ME. Thank her. My wish was she to treat me as she treated the other students.

In the bus, just after I entered with the hope that I’d sit, it seemed there wasn’t an available place for me. I looked back, but then I heard Elaine saying – “This is our place” (her and Elaine’s). And just when I reconciled myself with the fact that I wouldn’t sit, Marcus (on the “Pigs”) said “Come Nick, sit down”. He took his bag from the seat next to him, but his friend from the opposite seat, removed his school bag too saying: “Come Nick”. He obviously wasn’t aware of Marcus’s presence and kindness and thought it meant I to sit next to him. Was this really about Nick? I had to decide, although it was equal to me. I used my brain and (first what do you think?) sat next to Marcus. He was the first who called me. Thank him. Friendship is shown in situations like this.

 

Wednesday – 25.01.2012

umbrella_001It was snowing. A lot. Finally this winter. Melanie stood up under my umbrella. Andrea joined us and then E., just in front of me. He didn’t have an umbrella, neither he wore a cap. Bare head. Maybe I should have had invited him, but I didn’t care. I didn’t like him as I used to. My hope died. He looked on the left side and maybe he peaked a little back or he simply looked if the bus was coming, but I wasn’t looking at him, then he went back to wait at his safe harbor – under the shop’s roof. My relatives’ shop.

In the bus I entered through the back door and sat where I was used to most of the times – on the seat that was descendable. They tried to descend it down, but they couldn’t – I needed to go back right after the “button” was pressed, but I didn’t know when exactly. I needed to come out. The Mandra said it 3 or 4 times. On the last time Dean said “He doesn’t want. When he doesn’t want…” I stood up. How come? Why couldn’t he tell me himself? He even put his hand on my back last year. What happened? I guess he had “caught” me in some gay situation (speaking or laughing with girls). He pulled the sit back, but he refused to sit. He surrendered it to another student. He was so good.

In the school – in fact outside there was a snowball fight boys vs girls from our class. I only watched.

On our way home in the bus Andy sat next to me on the descendable seat. He asked me: – Nick how are you?” – while putting his bag above and I quietly responded “I’m fine Andy”. But then he was interrupted by someone and… nothing. He sat next to E. who was in front of me, when a girl left in Ratabitz. They were very close when they talked. Not fair. Why wasn’t it me? In Zlox, I got stuck on the seat and Andy said “Why you have said like that? Look at him how he sat”. For a wonder E. said something like “Sit on another seat”. I said “I’ll stand now”. I did it. It was a rare chance where E. talked to me not about school and didn’t mention me. But he wouldn’t have done it on his own.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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