Monday, 23rd of January 2012

The first school day this year. The students that greeted me or started short conversation with me were: Melanie (you know while waiting), Sarah, Barbara, Mary (she hugged me), Diana, Irene, Andrea and we rechanged thoughts about getting up and going to bed, Ashley – I asked her too. Neither Elaine, neither some of the boys. I sincerely smiled to all of them as it was a way to show respect. I know I have given critics for all of them, but their politeness, didn’t gave me even a thought to discredit them. I love you. And about the boys- so what? In four months I’m finishing school. I don’t need you. I will meet some guys who will be close to me even more than the previous girls and of course – I’ll do my BEST for them. Now I’m more experienced and I know who I should respect, who I should not care for.

On the class lesson, Vince (– the class teacher) was giving comments to the students while giving the evident papers. When he read my name I could simply just stand up, but… I wanted some comments, so I came out. He said “You have proven yourself like an educated person. You showed that you have capacity. You should… Tell a joke a day.” A Joke? I have already created an opinion about jokes – I have an example – E.. It is that I dislike artificial jokes. It’s just boring and distracting not focusing on the real subject – in the 21st century when people have less and less time. Who cares about “getting the coffee out of the refrigerator” (- E.’s Facebook comment)? I have written that I’ve read on the Internet that Sagittariuses “perform” an intelligent type of comedy. Besides, I want to give jokes when they at least expect – they have forgotten that part of me and then – a joke pops up – Just like:

a) Mary’s question “What are bird movers” and I started numbering them.
b) When Tiffany tried to explain Sarah on my birthday how can Wilma give up two tasks    in one exercise – and I said a) and b).

What I want are “Real life jokes” – clumsiness. Maybe Ethan is liked by girls because of his jokes, but there’s a sentence that keeps me vital in life better than “I don’t care. It’s “I enjoy in life more than them”. And who cares about Vince’s opinion? Those words can be said to me by another person and there are a lot of other words that someone can tell me.

Anyway, after school in the bus, I entered through the back door, hoping to sit on the last movable seat. Just after the path cleaned and I wanted to get in, I saw S&M, and as those were my loyal friends I surrendered the seat to them and went to the front next to a seat that was kept for another student. God helped me “just because I was good” and that other student didn’t come, so the keeper moved next to the window.

– Is it free? May I sit? – I asked.

I didn’t received response and I thought it was because he thought I was gay.

-Sit down, man – said Brian, a student in the second year, that I had on Facebook. I sat immediately. Thank him. He was good looking student from “the opposite”. I’m writing this because I want to connect it with an event from a Monday, possibly the second last from December. I thought I want him as a friend until… I got boner on him. That Monday he sat next to me in the bus because his friends were a seat behind. It was our first time together (that E. – word) and I was happy because of it, but I couldn’t believe that my penis was erecting to him. “Maybe it needed to be hard now”… but no. Told you the coincidences don’t exist. It was to him. He had a handsome dark face and flat skin, and my arm was touching his hips. My subconscience couldn’t resist.

Was that love? I felt like I betrayed God, but it didn’t depend from me. I’m sorry I forgot to tell you before, you know I was busy. My apologies to him, but was it my fault in the first place?

For the end I want to say “Thank you if you have ever given a thought about me – good or bad”.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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