Wednesday – 14.12.2011

Back to normal treads:

It was a day full of surprises.

Just when you realize your afford is worthless, something tells you, you are wrong. Are you?

20110131-cheese-burekThat morning nobody invited me to go on breakfast with. Why none of the male students hasn’t ever invited me on a meal? Because they are less sensitive? Not without a reason Derek asked Darryl what was he buying and after the answer (burek), went along with him. Irene, I and Andrea were the only IV-4 students who didn’t go out. This day Andrea sat in the second desk as Virginia was absent. Surprisingly, when I at least expected (I mean I didn’t expect at all) E. came from behind and he sat on the empty chair next to me. I can’t tell if it was on the lesson – philosophy or just before it – from excitement. It was our second time this school year. At the beginning the principal along with the psychologist and the pedagogue came in our classroom. What I forgot to say was they (the students) bought balloons on the big break. E. had one who put under my chair (in fact he put it aside, but it “flew” under my chair). He leaned and took it out, and then… BOOM – the balloon popped. Stacey never found out who did it, she only guessed it was Darryl. I later heard that the principle said if he was the professor he would have written “it” in the diary. This time I and E. made a contact. He asked me where we should read from. Of course “Nick” was inevitable. I showed E. where should he read from when Stacey asked him. When she asked me, it was all going wonderful until she asked me what the accusation for Giordano Bruno was. I saw that it wasn’t contained in the following two quotes. I was afraid that I was “running out of time”, so without seeing what it was about I started reading the third quote. Unfortunately, those were Bruno’s words and I didn’t realize I had read the real answer before. Just when I started to read E. started to read the questioned quote. He tried to help me. I didn’t stop, although I knew I was wrong. A shame!

Later, God showed me His goodness again. “May I have the book for a while?” – was the question from the pedagogue devoted to E.. The simple “Yes” was the reason why E. and I looked from the same book the rest of the lesson. After Derek (E.’s best friend) stood up to read, Sarah, sitting next to me from my left side said to E. “They’ll ornament it”. “They are good”. – was E.’s response to that. Sarah later made another comment to him. She had never made such comments to me, at least I don’t remember at the moment. Tiffany was the person Sarah usually commented to. Sarah asks me questions about school, about me, about Tiffany, but such a friendly comment… never. Who knows, maybe it’s not because of my low reputation, but because I want to be disciplined during the lessons. Yet, E. wasn’t the one who made a comment first, and if I had made one to him… he would have probably returned me the same way. In the end he said “Could You return me the book?” to the pedagogue, after he got what he wanted he got back to his old usual place. They bought more balloons (16) on the break and Mary N. sat next to me. “Shit”. She saw a free place and asked me if it was available – just as some… do in the bus. It was. I sat alone on maths.

I received another surprise on management. Derek (E’s best friend) sat next to me. How come he? Why not E.? The thing was E. presented the lesson and Derek probably wanted to listen him from closer. It looked like that place was for one time use that day like the one time plan we learnt that lesson about. Later on my “designated area” for waiting, after Megan Qelech asked me about the bus, I saw Liza, mum’s colleague. Last time she saw me after school was in the first year. She said “If you didn’t smile I wouldn’t have recognized you.” The “guys” didn’t invite me again to stand with them. John asked me if I had seen the bus. I knew Megan was looking at me, so I had to give answer looking him at eyes. “What bus?”. He said “What bus do you come with?” “It’s not everytime the same” and then… I was saved by THE BUS. It didn’t open the door. I saw Darryl and E. from the window. I wasn’t on the right place but I was at the right time and I had the right attitude – facing them. After the drive when I came home just after I opened the door of my room I saw two males. Those were my dad and my grandad. I blinked fast a lot. It was MY room. Dad immediately got out (‘cos he knows I don’t want him there). After a few minutes, while my grandad was changing the TV channels hit a music channel (probably Balkanika) which was airing a sexy music video with a girl. Grandad said to me I to look at her. What could I do? What other reason would have it been except that she was half-naked. I looked at her and I smiled, just like I used to do when my dad would made reference about some short skirt. It wasn’t real, I acted. What’s there to smile for? A rare chance to see a girl showing her legs? No. I knew granddad looked at me, but I didn’t look at him. If I did, it would have been called “Lying in the eyes”. Eventually, I did look him, after what he changed the channel. Oh my God! I lied… and now I have to repeat that lie every time I find myself in a situation like this. Would doing nothing would have been better? He abused what I changed my clothes in front of him.

I got my ultimate surprise that day when I saw Barbara in grandma’s room holding money saying “Let me give it to you…” What? Why? She meant to send those 200 denars via me to Diana for Avon’s products. Gosh. What a day.

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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