A day off. M. came around 11 a.m.. He said he didn’t believe he would pass the course. He waited for Alexandra to become online. She didn’t. Why did he come? Couldn’t we (me and mum) go at his place? At 12:15 he said it was early. Early? Half a day has passed. It was 8th of December, days are shorter, for God’s sake! (Of course it would be early for an unemployed person.)
Friday 09. 12. 2011
My situations start after I leave my home (meaning everything may happen). As you know my school day starts with sport, this time with a replacing professor. I was a bit afraid of him, so I avoided him when he walked in and out at the beginning of the lesson. I walked too-slowly. I don’t know how I ended standing next to Derek (Zlox) (probably I don’t wanted to be aside from the students, yet I didn’t want to sit on the bench ‘cos that would have meant I was not practicing) when the professor checked who was present.
-He stood next to a boy. I don’t CONSIDER HIM FOR A MALE. – it was Denise’s voice. Darryl defended me, after what Denise (again) defended her attitude and Darryl tried to stop her. I couldn’t hear what it was, I’m certain it was about me. During the conversation, I stepped back. I looked at Darryl. He was looking at me. He respected me, I had to say something because of that. I said “Let her go”. I didn’t want to care. Then I sat on the bench next to Miranda. I put my hand on the left side of my face thinking “They realized it now?” (it-the wish to become closer to males) What was I doing? I was worrying. I pulled back my hand. I didn’t know if Darryl was looking at me or at Miranda. Soon Kathy came and addressed Darryl and Ethan to come to her birthday on Saturday, 9 p.m. at the “garden”. While Darryl was reassuring the time and the place I thought “Will she turn towards me?” She didn’t She left. Here, instead of wondering “What do they have what I don’t have?”, it occurred to me “I have a lot of features but I only show them to very special people and she should wonder why she isn’t one of them”. In fact I have information that Kathy lived in the collective building in Preevytip for years, so… she can’t afford me.
…it was a quite eventful Friday, so I only managed to write some of my happenings. Because I have been very busy that period, my normal diary continues on Wednesday – 14.12.2011. I will try to reconstruct some of the missing events using my short notes. (Note: Of course, the length won’t be the same as it would have been as I’m writing this on 03/09/2012.)
Cont. Friday 09. 12. 2011
After my thoughts, Derek V. who had a ball, but didn’t have who to play football with inspired Darryl to pair us as the only boys with equipment.
-Go, Nick, play football with Derek.
Should I dare?
I doubted, as I wasn’t interested in football, but I was interested in becoming closer to the males, even Ethan said “GO”, after all, their persistency won. Derek was defending on the net, I was kicking balls. Sometimes they would go aside, but I was happy because of the situation and of course I made effort sufficiently. Ethan was cheering me with “Bravo”, even when I thought I didn’t deserve it. I was surprised. I did better with my right leg. Derek suggested me to try harder, but my force seemed to carry the ball in another direction. Yet, I obeyed him. I don’t remember if I scored a goal, so I probably I didn’t Anyway, it was a great experience to me. Denise’s critic only helped me. At the end of the lesson, Derek suggested me “Let’s go” to the locker room. I accompanied him, but there was a barrier after which I couldn’t be as opened as I’d normally be. It was called THE locker room’s DOOR. I just … wasn’t the same as before. Shyly, I wanted to change my clothes the faster. And I think he felt it.
Later, on a break, while I was looking some photos on Facebook Denise came close to look with me. I think she said she didn’t have Molly on Facebook, but she was interested, so I allowed her to rule with the mouse. So what? Our morning situation doesn’t stop us from being friends.