09.11.2011 – 11.11.2011

Wednesday 09.11.2011

I finally reached it. Today.

Today in school Andrea left her Facebook profile logged on my school computer. I used it by looking and saving (and sending) photos from Adele’s profile. Thank you, God.

Later, when I was sitting in the bus, Darryl entered and told Neil he was “the biggest fucker in the municipality of Preevytip” Neil pulled his arm toward his shoulder. Darryl skipped me and told Damon he was the biggest paramour. “And you are the biggest blind person in entire…” – “century” Darryl helped him. Darryl first sat next to him then next to somebody I couldn’t see. Neil asked Darryl “The one who’s sitting next to you, is he your buddy?” – “He’s my buddy”. “He is quiet. Very pensive”. – “He’s pensive about the school”. That moment I thought it might be a former friend of Darryl who doesn’t talk to him now.

-“A queer”, was the comment about the student I couldn’t see from the Sokolarci’s woman’s child. Was it Johnny? Johnny later got on and quarreled with Barbara. Darryl stood up when the bus stopped in Ratabitz. It was a new kid. First or second year and he was called “QUEER”. It probably expressed hate. Is that the way the others see me?

 

Thursday 10.11.2011

That day Denise said I had reached first stage for psychiatrist because I wanted to hear why Stella (chemistry professor) called Sarah (it was about a presentation). So what? It’s just her opinion. My opinion is that she should be more careful about her sexual life and the way how it reflects to her physically. But apparently she isn’t worth enough it to be said aloud (Sorry God!).

Later, it was raining and I stood under the roof of the “Stokovna”. Kathy and her friends come to stay with me. (Yes, they couldn’t find a better place.) She asked me if I shaved. I only smiled escaping the answer. To her, that smile meant yes, but frankly speaking, saying “Yes” would have been a lie.

 

Friday 11.11.2011

BadmintonIt was a stormy day. On sport I and Barbara played badminton. However I was clumsy, so Barbara called it a day. For a wonder while I was returning the equipment E. who was sitting behind the table asked me “It’s not going?” I replied “It’s not going”. He wasn’t looking at me, so I looked down. “I can’t”. I sounded sexually to me. Anyway this was one of the rare chances where he said sth to me not related to school subjects and not saying Nick. We are getting close(r). He can now speak frankly to me. And the rest of the students sitting on the bench heard it! WOW!

Later, on our last break that day Derek called me twice. Me? Why? I wasn’t sure he was saying “Nick”, but what else would have those letters meant? I stood up. “And take a pencil if you have”. I went there and found out he called me to show him exercises Macedonian because last time he was answering, the ball rang. So I told him the questions not to forget he told me to sit, and he said “Thanks”. I didn’t do it for a “Thanks”. Why my hope was ruined with a word?

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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