St. Elijah’s day, 2011

I see him every day. Three days ago, on 31. 07 at the tournament, at the match in which he played, a member of his team gave a goal. I mean the ball shook the net. The judge was too far to see it, so he didn’t acknowledged it. The Devil was standing close and he furiously fast walked to the judge and said “It was a goal. It was a goal.” Actually, he said the first line before walking. He didn’t use force and I think he stopped talking, although the result remained the same. It was equal at the end – 1:1 and dad told me the penalties resulted with 4:3 in their use.

The day before Ilinden (St. Elijah’s day) grandma went to buy chicken legs. I accompanied her. On the returning we went to grandma Gail’s house (grandma’s sister).We spoke. I mean grandma spoke about S&S defeat against Playboy. She said “How can they win against Sheila’s son, a… do you know him? A big one that… Don’t stick that out”. I was nervous so I touched my foot with bonbon paper. What she wanted to say was: “That passes”. Then we sat in the yard of her other sister Gina and he passed with his friends. He wasn’t looking at me. I asked “Is this Sheila’s son?”, she said “He is”. There was no sense I to stand up and look him, but when a woman walked after him, I hurried to see his body. He was already gone.

Prophet-Elias-Grk-ikonThe next day – Ilinden, 2nd of August. Like every year S&S were the standard guests. I was nervous because my legs were hairy. Steven asked me: “Do you get nervous?” “Yes”, I answered. “Why?” I didn’t have the answer. I said: “I don’t know. Because it’s not comforted to me.” What should I have said: “Because I don’t dare to shave?” He thought it was because I didn’t have internet. How little he knows me. Mum told him that the internet was turned off because of the not paid bills. A total lie! There was a telegraph request for internet interruption as didn’t want M. to come here and “sit” on Facebook. I don’t understand do people like FB so much? I prefer the real world. Besides, there’s Twitter, Wikipedia, Yahoo, Google books, Grooveshark… When asked, I told Steven I have 20-30 songs in my PC. I lied. I later found out I had more than 100.

While sitting at Rose’s room I saw the Devil passing . On the match, dad asked me: “Who do you wish to win?” I said “I don’t know. Zlox. (silently)”. He and Sammy established that the other team (the red ones) played better. At the end of the first halftime the result was 2-0 for the red ones. At the end of the match the result was the same. I wanted to see the Devil’s reaction. I just remember he hugged somebody. We didn’t pass the playground when we were leaving.

The evening was exciting. I and Sarah (c.) span on the carousel, then we along with mum and Sammy went to Greg’s bar where dad and Tricia were. We sat outside as everything was reserved, even our table. Sarah and I sat on the same chair and she said to me “Diablo”. “Where?”, I asked, and saw him. He was with Christine, coming in. I turned on the other side. Mum said to Tricia: “Sheila’s son with Stella’s daughter”. That’s why I didn’t have fear to look at him. I guess Leslie gave the idea I and Sammy to go inside on juice. Why not Sarah? Who asked me if I wanted to? From experience I realized that sometimes when people offer something to other people it’s because they want to have that thing. However dad, Sammy and I went in the middle part of the bar. Everything was busy. No, I think first we went inside on my request “just to see how it looks like” and I spotted the Devil and Christine on a table at the right corner alone. Then, we went… dad and Sammy went to find table I suppose. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to and I went after them. There was what to see. Dad was asking the Devil if I and Sammy could sit on their table. I was excited and I couldn’t really hear the talk. I remember the Devil said sth (while I was thinking if I should look at him. In fact I smiled and was hiding behind dad. Then I looked at him), after that Christine explained him. They were looking dad at eyes and Christine was speaking faster. About the content I can imagine they said: “It can’t be. It’s busy. We have appointed. Our friends are going to come”. What I don’t understand is “What was unclear what the Devil said so Christine had to supplement him?” I don’t blame him. Who are we to him to put us in front of his friends? Just co-citizens (Sammy isn’t). But we could almost sit together.helios

 

I have less energy when it comes to writing the next part. Ugh! We sat on the most neglected place inside, where I couldn’t look at him. At least Sammy had a view of the musicians. I had a view of the TOILET. “What do you want to drink?” – the man asked Sammy . “Anything still.” I wanted to say “the same”, but that would have meant I had no distinct ideas and flavor, so I said “Pepsi”, as mum recommended it to me. It was awful – the sitting. We didn’t have a WORD together. The music? Serbian. At least turbo folk is fast, and those songs reminded me on the bad state of life. Hello! It’s holiday. We are people. We want joy. We won’t live forever. I hate “Како ми недостајеш”. I don’t care how the sing. (doesn’t deserve to be fully written, I don’t even want to know his name because when somebody will mention his name I don’t wanna feel sick, I want to hope, believe there is diversity) have EARNED money in the last century. I wanted to spit on the floor and I would have done that if I was sure that nobody looked at me. What to write? People went to the toilet, some of them knew Sammy, some of them knew me. I wanted to leave! The waiter came and told us we have to go somewhere else or stand at the servery. God bless those people who reserved that table. They deserve a better place. Sammy and I drank our “juices” (I didn’t drink the Pepsi) and left home. I made a mess yelling on dad and mum. I was asking dad “Why because you want to go there, you think other want too? There are millions of better places like Zloxery, Classic… Even the square counts as a place”, looking him at eyes. I remembered anger is a sin for a moment. I was furious. I objected him about his suggestions I to look at girls wearing short skirts. “Well, you are male”, he was defending himself. I said “But I’m human before everything”. I later yelled at mum: “Do you know how much money they took us? 110. I could have had more of the drink at home with liters!”

–With liters?

–With liters!

She told me Sammy told her we haven’t spoken anything because of the music “otherwise we would had to outcry each other.” They thought was disappointed because we’ve been told to stand. Tricia in the yard said: “How come you are not ashamed? I didn’t expect this from you. How come you are not ashamed? If you were the one you would have stood up to shake hands with Rob, he’s your godfather.” I didn’t say anything. It was better to be silent. You know why? Because I feel like a female from inside. Because I looked at his crotch when he helped me to make a model of Sputnik 1 for my astronautics competition. Because he wore blue shorts. Because he raised his leg because he saw me. And if she was “the one” why didn’t she lose weight? Why every TIME when I see her, her ass jumps out of her body? Why she didn’t tell us what they spent the 23.000 that they got betting for? *They were “paying debts”. And why couldn’t she stop the crime his son commits every month that I’ll write about later? It’s because she doesn’t care, doesn’t appreciate those features as I don’t appreciate shaking hands. It’s different when you need sth to say or to want to be friend with him. Who is she to ask? The only thing that was good from my aggressive behavior was: I DIDN’T MAKE SPEAKING ERRORS. Those mistakes that I make when I don’t feel superior and that the other one will know more than me. I asked for a pill and mum gave me. I felt really calm. I spoke slower.

After midnight I found out a shocking revelation: Sammy STEALS electricity. I heard the conversation between Tricia, Rose and him.

Rose: In Skopje all got imprisoned.

Tricia: Let him get imprisoned. They won’t imprison me. I don’t have 30.000 for woods.

prisoner-hands-medium

In fact, I never heard the name Sammy. There’s a very small possibility that it is another member of their family who steals. I also learnt from the talk that “he” tampered the electrometer. How dare he? I don’t even steal fruits from other people’s trees and he… Do they believe in God? Do I have to tell the police because I believe in Jesus? Now who is the one? Who’s the one now?

For the end I will describe the “sleeping movement“. We went to bed at 1:30. Mum and dad slept in the room next to the room where I sleep. Sammy was supposed to sleep at “my” room, Steven and Tricia in the upper kitchen and Rose in her room downstairs. It was hot to Sammy – he couldn’t be fit on the sofa, so he lay on the bed where Steven was supposed to sleep as he was gone out. When Steven arrived (at 4 or 5 am), Tricia climbed upstairs on the sofa, dad came downstairs (and lay next to Sammy) to talk with Steven about his going out. Then Sammy (it was narrow to him) came upstairs and Tricia said to me: “Make room for Sammy”. He fell asleep next to me. Just the things to be funnier, probably the electricity went down and when it came my PC turned on (was left to sleep) and a song started as the windows sidebar was displayed. I recognized the music and turned the PC off from the socket. When I woke up in the morning, Sammy was gone. He went to sleep on the other bed in the room where Steven slept. Did you get it?

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About Real real me

Writing a diary. Life is a FIGHT!
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